


A Comedy of Errors

by Crysania



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:48:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crysania/pseuds/Crysania
Summary: Poe Dameron asking Rey to be his fake girlfriend so he has an excuse to bring Finn home for the holidays? Brilliant. Just brilliant. What could possibly go wrong? Well, nothing...nothing, that is, until she meets surly cousin Ben.





	1. The Set-Up

**Author's Note:**

> Beautiful moodboard by msdes (sofondabooks on Tumblr)
> 
> Special thanks as always to the amazing ladies of the Reylo Fic Recs chat group!

It’s late one evening when Poe and Finn approach her. The two have been dating for the past year and she knows they’re getting _serious_. There has been talk of moving in together and she’s heard the _M_ word come up more than once. From both of them. She thinks it’s sweet and she wonders if someday they’ll be the viral video where one proposes and the other pulls out a ring and says _he_ was going to propose and they get into a big sappy fight over how ridiculous it all is.

So when they sit her down that evening, she’s sure she knows what’s coming next. _Rey you’ve been a great roommate, but Poe and I have decided to move in together._

She’ll be happy for them.

Of course she will be.

It’s just that finding a new roommate after all this time is going to _suck_.

“So…” Poe says and it’s almost adorable the way he’s so nervous.

“Look, I know what you’re going to say and it’s fine.” The words come tumbling out of Rey’s mouth.

“You do?” Poe says at the same time Finn says “You already know?”

“Of course.” Rey shakes her head and smiles at them. “You’ve been hinting at it for basically forever.”

There’s a strange furrow to Poe’s brow and she’s surprised to see him exchange confused glances with Finn. “I’m not sure we’re actually on the same page,” Poe mutters.

“You mean you’re not here to tell me you’re moving in together and I need to find another roommate?” She’s not sure if she feels relief or not at that. She’s been waiting for it, has even contemplated which of their small group of friends might be looking for such a place or maybe knows someone who does.

“No,” Poe says at last. “Well, not at the moment. Maybe sometime in the future…” He clears his throat and Rey cringes.

“Sorry. I just assumed.”

“It’s ok, Peanut,” Finn says and pats her hand. “No, it’s just…the holidays are coming up…”

“Oh!” she says, and then. “Oh.” Of course. Christmas is three weeks away. Poe always goes home to his family in South Carolina. They won’t accept Finn, he tells her. They’re conservative, good Christian folks who believe that being gay is some sort of sin. He and Finn have argued about his family on more than one occasion and she just feels sad for them both. Finn has no family, just like her. Another foster kid who was never adopted, she knows he longs for that kind of connection.

Right now _she_ is Finn’s family and he is hers, the brother she never had. They’d met in the system when they both landed at the same lousy foster home for a time. A year later, they were separated again, but they’d kept in touch and managed to stay close despite it. When they’d been cut loose from the system, they went to the same college and moved into an apartment together. They had been inseparable ever since, spending every holiday together like a real family would.

Except now.

“I understand,” Rey says, sounding eminently more mature than she feels. What she _wanted_ to do was scream and punch the wall. But instead, she pulls up her big girl panties and shows her support for what they were about to do. It can’t have been easy.

“ _No_ ,” Poe says and Finn just rolls his eyes.

“Just get to the point, sweetheart,” Finn says, a grimace on his face.

“Fine, fine,” Poe mutters.

“What have you guys done?” Rey finally asks.

“Not _me_ ,” Finn says, holding his hands up. There’s a bit of mischief in his dark eyes. “This one’s all on Poe.”

“I need you to come home to my family’s place for Christmas,” the man in question says in a rush.

“Me?” She can’t have heard that right.

“So, Peanut,” Finn says, reaching out to take her hand. He doesn’t do that unless it’s _something_. She pulls her hand back and narrows her eyes at him. “Poe wants me to come home with him, but…”

“They won’t accept you.”

“Exactly,” Poe says.

“And so me?”

“Right, so about that.” Poe reaches up to run his fingers through his unruly mop of hair. “I might have told my Mom I was dating someone and I might have told her it was you.”

“Me?” Rey squeaks.

“Yeah so…you see the problem?”

“Obviously.” She can’t help the sarcasm that creeps into her voice. Poe is a good looking guy, certainly, but she’s never even thought of him in any way approaching _boyfriend material_. He’s gay. Not bi. Not pan. _Gay_. And he’s her best friend’s boyfriend. Poe doesn’t say anything else, just stares at her with this expectant look on his face. Finn, for what it’s worth, looks a bit mortified. “So…wait. Are you wanting me to come home to meet your parents _as your girlfriend_?”

He can’t possibly mean that.

“ _Now_ you get it!” Poe says.

He means it.

_Oh bloody Hell._

“No,” she says.

“No?”

“No. Definitely not. Tell your mom I dumped you.”

“But…” Poe starts to say.

Finn leans forward and takes her hand. “Rey,” he starts to say, and she can see that _look_ that Finn gets. Eyes wide, lips set in a slight pout. “If you don’t go, I can’t spend the holidays with Poe. And if you do this, we can spend the holiday together too.” Oh, he’s laying it on thick now.

Rey sits back and crosses her arms over her chest and watches their terribly hopeful and expectant faces. “So I have to pretend to be your girlfriend.”

“Can it be that hard?” Poe asks and there’s just a touch of smugness to his voice.

Rey snorts. “You know you’re a handsome guy, Poe…”

“Of course.”

Finn smacks him lightly on the arm.

“But you’re as gay as a three dollar bill,” she finishes with a smirk. “Exactly how am I supposed to pretend to be madly in love with _you_?”

“Madly in love is not necessary,” he says with a smirk. “Just maybe mildly infatuated.”

“No fake PDA,” Rey says. _God, is she really going to do this_?

“None,” he assures her. “I’m pretty sure my parents would hate that.”

“And we’re not sharing a room.”

“God no,” Poe says, holding his hand to his chest. “My parents wouldn’t allow it anyway. My older sister? Yeah, so they even had issues with her and her _husband_ staying in one room when they came to visit.”

“Wow. That bad?”

“That bad. No, they’re totally more likely to make Finn room with me.” He gives a lascivious smirk at that.

“Oh my God, your poor parents. They’re really that clueless?”

“You have _no_ idea just how naïve people can be,” Poe says with a shake of his head. “Finn’s my bestie. Just ask my mom. They came out to visit once and took us both out to eat. My dad loved Finn so much that he invited us to a ball game the next time he was near town. Came and picked us up and drove us all the way to Takodana. Treated his poor starving college son and his best buddy to hot dogs and crackerjacks and all that stuff.”

Rey’s eyes are wide the whole time and then she just laughs. “So this should be easy?”

“Absolutely,” Poe says.

“Except…” Finn starts to say and Poe shoots him a look. And Rey _knows_ this can’t be a good thing.

“There’s nothing,” Poe says and gives Finn a _look_.

“There’s something,” Rey says. “I want to know it all. Is there some crazy uncle who thinks he’s psychic or something? Or some weird skeleton in your parent’s closet that’s obvious to everyone but no one talks about it?”

“The only thing in the closet is me,” Poe mutters.

“Nothing like that,” Finn says quickly and there’s another look exchanged between the couple.

“It’s just…Cousin Ben.”

“Cousin Ben? Is this like Cousin It or something?” _Cousin Ben_ …

“No,” Poe says with a small laugh. “That’s more like Uncle Han’s best friend. _Chewie_ they call him. You might meet him. Nearly seven feet tall and mostly hair.”

“Why do they call him Chewie?”

“Now that you ask…I have no idea. He’s always just been Chewie. Or Uncle Chewie to the kids. He has no kids of his own, so he sort of adopted us all as if he were really our uncle. You’ll like him, Rey,” he says quickly. “He’s one of those gentle giant sorts. He used to play Santa when we were kids.”

“It’s how they knew there wasn’t a real Santa,” Finn says. “Yes we’ve heard this one a thousand times.”

“I haven’t,” Rey points out. “Maybe I should…”

“Plenty of time for that,” Finn interrupts with. “We have the whole trip down to regale her with stories about your family.”

“Right,” Poe responds with.

“So this cousin?”

“Ben, right. So he’s not exactly the nicest person on the face of the planet,” Poe starts with.

“That’s saying something,” Finn mutters under his breath and Poe shoots him a look.

“He doesn’t talk to his parents. Like _at all_. I don’t even pretend to know the story there and I don’t want to. But they’ve been estranged for years. My parents always invite him over for Christmas. I guess he has nowhere else to go and there’s that whole ‘Christian charity’ thing, so he comes over.”

“He’s an asshole, Rey,” Finn warns. “Your best bet is to just stay out of his way and let him be his grumpy gothic asshole self to everyone else.”

“Gothic?”

Poe laughs. “He looks like a fucking vampire, Rey. I’m not lying. He did _not_ get his coloring from the Solo side of things, that’s for sure. And I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen him wear anything that wasn’t all black. Just trust me. Stay out of his way. You’ll thank me.”

Rey takes a deep breath. “This whole thing is crazy. You know that, right?”

Poe reaches out to take her hand and Finn follows suit, taking her other hand. “I’m aware of that,” Poe says.

“It would mean the world to me,” Finn says and the fervency behind his voice tells her she really has only one choice here.

“Ok, I’ll do it” Rey says and Finn lets out a whoop.

“Yes!” Poe says and he immediately pulls Finn into his arms and the two do some ridiculous little dance around the room. 

Rey laughs with them. “You know you’re not going to be able to do that when we’re there, right?” she asks as they share a quick kiss.

“That’s right!” And then Poe is grabbing her and dancing _her_ around the room. When he swoops in for a kiss she turns her head to the side.

“No kissing,” Rey says primly. “I’m not into PDA.”

“Of course, my peach,” Poe says with a laugh.

Rey’s nose wrinkles at the ridiculous nickname. “We’re going to have to discuss that one, Mr. Dameron.”

And then they all dissolve into giggles. This is going to be _ridiculous_ and they’re going to get caught and it’s all going to go to hell. She just knows it.

But she’s pretty sure the ride along the way is going to be very amusing.


	2. The Arrival

The trip down to Poe’s place is one huge conversation about his family. Family dynamics, pictures, things that a girlfriend should know about Poe. It’s not like she doesn’t know him or anything, but she doesn’t _know_ know him like Finn does. And so she listens studiously. When she starts taking notes, Poe laughs and slaps her hand away from it.

“If my mother saw that…” he warns and Rey tucks it back into her book.

“So no _All About Poe_ story? Damn.”

“No. Ok let’s go over this again. My mother…”

“Her name is Shara. I’ll call her Mrs. Dameron. Your parents usually prefer that from your friends.”

“Good. Father?”

“Kes…is that short for something?””

Poe shrugs. “No.”

“Interesting names. I would have expected something a bit more…” She waves one hand in the air. “Biblical, I guess?”

“They’re born-again,” Poe mutters. “Neither of them grew up with religion. They found it together later.”

Rey makes a face. It’s not like she doesn’t have an appreciation for mysticism and religions. The idea has always intrigued her. But she has no affiliation. It’s more that she feels something…some _force_ …tying the universe together and balancing it. Good, evil, life, death, they’re all a part of the world and there has to be some sort of balance to keep it going.

“Don’t do that,” Poe warns. “I told her you were a good Christian girl.”

“Oh God,” Rey says. “Do I need to know the prayers? Or like, the songs or something?” She feels the panic in the way the butterflies in her stomach take to wing. “They’re going to know…”

“I told them you were Lutheran.”

Rey’s eyes widen. “I don’t know anything about that.”

“Just think hard work and Bach.”

“I have no idea what you just said.”

Finn smacks his boyfriend and Rey tries to keep the rising panic down.

“Just relax,” Poe says. “Everything will be fine.”

The rest of the trip passes uneventfully. She listens to Poe and Finn recount stories of his parents and tries to absorb as much as she can, but there’s only so much she her mind can keep track of. They arrive, really, far too soon for Rey’s tastes.

 _It’s only a week. You can do this_.

The dread doesn’t stop though, that weird feeling of anticipation and waiting for it all to go, well, quite literally, to hell.

* * *

“Come in, come in,” booms the voice at the door before they even see the speaker.

“Dad!” Poe shouts, stepping forward to hug his father. The other man is just a hair taller than Poe, but trim and fit. His hair is cropped short, greying around the edges, quite the contract to his son’s wild curling locks. He carries himself with the regality of the staunch military man that Poe has told her he is.

He likes when people salute him, that’s what Poe says. And so when he lays eyes on her, she immediately salutes. His eyes light up. “Ah, those were the days.” And then _she_ is enveloped in a bear hug too.

“Darling,” comes a voice from behind him. “Do set her down.” Rey can’t see anything, but is thankful enough for whomever the voice belongs to as Poe’s father does as the voice asks.

“You must be Rey,” his father says reaching out to shake her hand with a bone-crushing grip.

“I am,” Rey says, her voice quieter than usual. “You must be Mr. Dameron.”

“She’s good, Poe!”

“Dad, I called you _Dad_.”

His father frowns. “Now don’t go insulting your girlfriend’s intelligence. She must be very smart indeed if she snagged a prize like you.”

She hears Finn choke next to her and she’s not even sure what to say. But Poe puts his arm around her and says “That she is, Dad.” She has to remind herself that this should make it look natural, but she still feels awkward there with Poe’s arm around her waist. She’s never been a touchy-feely sort and the handful of boyfriends she’d had over the past few years had quickly disappeared when they realized she wasn’t really _that_ interested in being touched by them.

_College kids…always just after a piece of…_

“Well, don’t just stand there kids, come on in!” He reaches out a hand to grab Finn’s and she watches as her friend grimaces a little at the force of his handshake.

“Poe, I swear you get more handsome every day,” his mother says and pulls him in to kiss his cheek. She can see where Poe gets his looks now. He’s built like his father, but he has his mother’s coloring and thick curling hair. The resemblance between them is strong. His mother gives Poe one more pat on the back and then turns to Rey, who he is _still_ clinging to for some God forsaken reason. She steps away to greet his mother, breathing a sigh of relief as she puts some distance between them.

 _Fuck, this is awkward…no…not fuck…God, this is awkward…wait?...can I say that here? Fuck_ …

“Rey you are just as cute as a button. I knew my Poe would land himself a good girl one of these days. Always running with the wild kids, that one was. I’m so glad to see that he’s settling down.” She gives Rey a quick hug.

“Mother,” Poe says. “I wouldn’t quite go that far.”

“Poe Dameron,” his mother says and there’s a warning in her voice. “You don’t just go around saying such things.”

“It’s ok Mrs. Dameron,” Rey says quickly.

“Shara, dear. Please. You don’t know how long we’ve been waiting for Poe to bring a girl home.” Her voice is warm, sweet as honey. Rey _almost_ feels guilty over the deception.

Instead, she turns to Poe with a smirk on her face. “Poe, sweetheart, you’ve never brought a girl home? I can’t believe that.”

Poe grumbles something unintelligible.

Rey tries to hold in her laughter as she turns back to his mother and smiles.

“You must be something really special if he brought you home, my dear,” his mother says. “We’re really looking forward to getting to know you.”

Rey just inclines her head. She’s here on completely false pretenses, but she can’t lie to herself. Having a family? People who care about her? It’s not even real and it _still_ feels good.

“Now, let’s get you kids all set up for the night.” And here’s where Rey knows it will get tricky. She’s a _good Christian girl_. He promises his mother won’t even consider letting her stay with him, but does she pretend she expects different? Does she just hang back and wait? She’s spared that much at least. “The boys will stay in Poe’s room.” Shara gives her a firm look and Rey just nods, glancing over at Finn with wide eyes. He’s making a little fist pumping gesture while Poe stands by with a big stupid grin on his face. She steps in front of them and waves his mother ahead of her.

Shara doesn’t notice the boys’ excitement, moving past Rey with an efficiency she finds strangely admirable. There’s no wasted movements from the elegant older woman.

She’s shown to one of the guest rooms and Shara points out the bathroom, which is shared with everyone on the hall. She’ll be staying by herself and she’s thankful for that much at least. It’s just a small twin bed, but it’s _hers_ for the time being. Hers in a home full of warmth and light and Christian charity. It shouldn’t feel so damned good when it’s so damned fake, but it does.

Guilt wraps around her like a glove and she flops down on the bed. She has time to unpack, but first she just wants to stretch out in the beautiful room. She’s sound asleep before she knows it.

* * *

Dinner that night is an understated affair. They sit around a table with only a few elements of Christmas to it. A red and green table cloth, white candles that remain unlit throughout the dinner. The lights from the chandelier above them are bright enough. She doesn’t quite _understand_ the candles, but who is she to question them? Probably some sort of Christmas tradition thing she wouldn’t understand.

Her mother places the casserole dish, lasagna as it turns out, into the center of the table, and Rey almost reaches for the serving spoon. It smells _amazing_ and she’s _starving_. Poe smacks her hand gently before she can even get it off the table and she turns to glare at him.

“Rey, darling, would you offer us a prayer?” his mother says.

 _Oh God_. “I…um… that is…”

“Rey’s a little shy, Mom.”

Finn voices his agreement. “Maybe you could offer it up, Poe.” There’s a bit of mirth behind his eyes and Rey has to fight to not smirk. None of them are all that religious, especially Poe, who struggles with rationalizing his faith with his sexual orientation.

But Poe has been raised in this tradition. He slides back in like it’s something he does every day and offers up a mercifully short prayer.

And then it’s time to dig in, which Rey does with gusto.

“My gosh,” his father says. “Poe, do you starve this poor child?”

Rey has a fork almost to her mouth when he says it and drops it back onto her plate at the words. She feels the heat creep up her cheeks. It’s not like it’s the first time someone has commented on how much she eats. It probably won’t be the last either. But at the same time it’s always so damned _embarrassing_. How do you tell people _yes I was a foster child and sometimes there was no food to be had…_

“ _Dad_ ,” Poe says and she’s thankful for the admonishment in his voice. He knows. Finn knows, too of course. He’d been in at least two of the same foster homes, clinging to her even as she clung to him and wondering when their next meal would be, when they would be torn apart.

His father holds up his hands in defeat.

The rest of the meal is fairly uneventful. Rey helps put away the dishes with his mother afterward, even though Shara keeps trying to wave her away. “You’re a guest, my dear. Go be with your boyfriend.” And Rey can’t tell her that she wants to give Poe some alone time with _his_ boyfriend, so instead tells her it was just how she was raised.

There’s no lie there, not really. Most of her foster homes considered her little more than slave labor. There had been one…well, no sense ruminating on the only time she had had a small sense of family. But besides that one, she was expected to clean up after meals and was left to it while the family, the _real_ family, got to enjoy some quality time together.

Here at least Shara works alongside her, washing dishes while Rey dries. She worries about conversation but Shara chats easily about Poe and asks questions about Rey’s life that aren’t too pointed or humiliating.

She feels at ease with her.

And she almost… _almost_ wishes that all of this were reality. It’s a sad part of her world that even just a small bit of kindness and familial love makes her crumble.

* * *

“You’re family is lovely,” she tells Poe as the three of them head out for a short walk around the neighborhood. Apparently it’s known for beautiful Christmas decorations.

“They’re not that lovely,” Poe mutters.

“I know…there’s the whole anti-gay thing.”

“Anti _everything_ thing,” Finn says. “Did you know they voted for…”

Poe gives him a dark look and Finn falls silent. “No talk of politics. Please. My parents and I disagree on a lot of things and it can get ugly fast if we’re not careful. Just…let’s let that one go and enjoy what little we have here.”

“You mean like tonight?” Finn says and Poe, glancing back and realizing they’re out of sight distance of his house, pulls him in close to him.

“Absolutely.” He whispers something else in his ear and Finn’s eyes go wide.

“Can we not do this right now?” Rey asks.

“Jealous?” Finn asks.

“Hardly.” Poe laughs at the deadpan sound to her voice. “Just be _quiet_ guys. If you’re caught…”

“I know.”

There’s a park just down the road from their house and Rey sits on one of the swings, waving the boys off. There’s a trail through the woods, Poe tells her, and she can take a hint. They need a little alone time. And frankly, she can use some too. She’s not used to being around people quite this much and while she adores his family so far, she also needs some down time of her own.

“Guys, I’m going to head back!” she calls out. “You do…whatever you want to do out here. I’ll cover for you.” She has no idea _what_ she’ll say, but she’s sure the inspiration will come by the time she gets back to the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Cousin Ben arrives. And Rey is not quite sure what to think of him.


	3. Cousin Ben

She takes her time getting back, enjoying the Christmas lights and the quaintness of the whole neighborhood. She doesn’t knock when she gets back to the house. Shara has told her she doesn’t need to. She’s _family._ For now at least. When she steps through the front door, she doesn’t find Shara or Mr. Dameron there.

She finds someone else.

Someone tall, very tall she realizes as she comes closer to him, with dark hair that falls in waves to just below his chin and eyes that stop her dead in her tracks.

 _Cousin Ben_.

He’s scowling at her, she realizes, his eyebrows knit together.

So she does what Rey does best. “You must be the cousin!” she says brightly.

“Who the hell are you?” he asks.

Shara comes around the corner, dishtowel still in hand. “ _Ben_ ,” she admonishes. “None of that language here.” He says nothing in response and Shara just sighs. “Ben, this is Rey. Poe’s _girlfriend_.” She says the last like it’s some grand _thing_. And Rey supposes it is in a way. Poe doesn’t have girlfriends. He has _boyfriends_.

Ben glances at Shara and then back to Rey and his eyebrows shoot up. There’s this _look_ on his face. She can’t define it, part shock, part amusement. “Really, then.”

“Yes! I’m here visiting with him for the holidays.” She holds out her hand and Ben just glances at it.

“Benjamin.” Shara sounds exasperated. “Just shake the girl’s hand. I _know_ your parents raised you better than that.”

A dark look crosses Ben’s face and the furrow between his brows is back, deeper than before. “You know not to…”

“Yes, yes I know. Go get to know Rey. She’s an important part of your cousin’s life.” She swats at him with the dish towel and disappears into the other room.

Rey is left in the unenviable position of being stared at by Ben. He says nothing as they’re left standing in the vestibule of the house.

“You’re blocking my way,” she says, trying for _nice_ even though she really wants to scream from the way his gaze is making her squirm.

“You’re Poe’s girlfriend?” There’s something in the tone of voice that sends a bit of dread right into the pit of Rey’s stomach.

“That’s what they say.” She cringes at the words. _Just play it cool, Rey. He doesn’t know anything_.

One of his dark eyebrows rises and he gives her an assessing look, his gaze trailing down her body and back up. She’d be lying if she didn’t feel at least somewhat warm from that rather frank gaze. “You don’t look like his type.”

Rey gapes at him. _How rude!_ “And just what _is_ his type, Mr…”

“Just Ben is fine.”

She lets out a little snarl of frustration. “Fine, _Just Ben_. What _is_ his type if I’m not it?”

He doesn’t respond, instead glancing over his shoulder to where Shara had disappeared. “Nevermind,” he finally mutters.

She gapes at him for a moment and wants to say _something_ , anything, to defend her relationship with Poe. And then she realizes she _has_ no relationship with him. He’s not her boyfriend, not in reality, and she’s not even sure why she wants to defend this ridiculous fake relationship they’ve created. But she has to keep up the pretense, at least for the next few days. She can fake dump him next week.

“Fine,” she says. “I guess Poe was right about you.” She shoves past him then, too close really as he steps back slightly. She brushes against him and how could she _not_ considering the man is built like a Goddamn _tree_. Poe didn’t mention that he was so fucking _huge_. And he didn’t mention what nice hair he had or the intense gaze or those _lips_ that even now are pressed together in some sort of anger or frustration or _something_.

He got the personality right, though. He just left off some pertinent details that Rey wishes she had been prepared for.

“What did he say about me?” he asks just as she hits the bottom step to head up to bed.

“Pardon?” Rey says as she whirls back to him.

“What did he…?” Ben starts to say and she’s surprised to see there’s a bit of color on his pale cheeks.

“He said you were an asshole and I should stay away from you.”

Ben cringes slightly at that, but Rey doesn’t give him a chance to respond to her announcement. She turns and races up the stairs and she’s thankful that he neither says another word nor follows her up.

* * *

When Rey heads downstairs the next morning, she’s almost immediately confronted by Ben again. It seems that he’s an early riser like her. Well, maybe not _early_ riser. It’s past 8:00am, so she supposes it’s not that early in the day.

She yawns and stretches as she sets foot in the kitchen. _He_ is there already.

“Poe still asleep?” he asks, not even looking up from his cup of disgustingly black coffee and the newspaper he has spread out in front of him.

“He must be,” she says with a shrug.

“It must be difficult for you.” Ben’s voice is almost conversational and Rey looks around, trying to find some means to escape, someone else to talk to, _anything_ that might save her.

She sighs. “Ok, I’ll bite. What must be?”

Ben looks up at her then and she realizes something she didn’t quite comprehend in the hallway the night before. He’s a _very_ striking man. Not attractive exactly. His features are somewhat over-exaggerated. Long nose, deep set eyes that narrow too quickly, rather generous lips, and oversized ears that stick out through his thick, dark hair.

When he smirks, she has to amend her assessment of him. The lips are definitely attractive. The things a man like him could do with those lips. Her thoughts are downright _lewd_ and she has to pull them back when he speaks again. “Sleeping apart from your boyfriend, I mean.”

“Oh…” She feels the heat creep up her cheeks and turns her face slightly away from him, tugging at the ends of her hair. Why _didn’t_ she have longer hair again? Something, _anything_ , to hide the blush she knows is there. Finn always tells her that her every thought can be read on her face. “I…we’re not like that…I mean, we haven’t dated that long,” she finishes lamely.

Ben’s face breaks out into a ridiculous smile and she finds herself somewhat surprised by his uneven teeth. This is America and _everyone_ has these beautiful perfect smiles. But not Ben. There’s a small gap there and they’re just slightly crooked. It lends a certain charm to his more severe features. “I see,” he says and glances back down at his newspaper.

“What do you mean by that?” she shoots back at him and then cringes. _End the conversation, Rey. This can go nowhere good, Rey._

He looks back up at her. “Nothing.” His eyes are wide with an innocent that _must_ be feigned. _You’re feeling guilty, Rey_. “Did you think I meant something?”

“No. Of course not.” She breathes an almost audible sigh of relief when he looks back down at the paper.

Poe steps into the room then, eyes a little bleary and, if Rey is to be totally honest, looking completely and utterly _fucked_. _Goddammit Poe, can’t you two at least wait until we’re back in the safety of our apartments?_ Leave it to Poe to get it on with Finn in his own parent’s house. It’s probably an extra bit of excitement for the oversexed bastard.

“Good morning,” he mumbles.

“Poe!” Rey says, voice a little too bright.

“Everything ok here?” he asks as he takes in both her and Ben.

“Just fine,” Rey answers.

Ben looks from one to the other and that damned smirk comes back. “What? No good morning kiss?”

“We’re not…”

“Like that?” Ben asks.

Poe glares at him. “Not in my parent’s house.”

“Hmph,” Ben says and the look he shoots Poe is just a little too long and a little too _knowing_ for her comfort.

Poe ignores Ben, grabbing some cereal and a cup of coffee to sit down at the table across from his cousin. From where Rey is standing, she really can’t see many similarities between them. The hair, maybe. Both had thick, dark hair that waved in ways Rey could only _imagine_ for her own hair. But that was about it.

Poe was conventionally handsome, strong jaw, even features.

Ben is all awkward angles and everything too _large_. And yet…as she watches the two of them hunched over different parts of the paper, downing their coffee, Ben’s black like everything else about him, Poe’s light and sweet, she realizes she prefers Ben’s unconventional looks.

“Come sit down, _darling_ ,” Poe says and she almost rolls her eyes at the way he overemphasizes the word.

She doesn’t want to make a fuss over it, and so sits. But she gives Poe a look anyway.

“What?” he says and she supposes the look of false innocence on his face does in fact mirror his cousin’s. “It’s better than what I called her at first.”

“What did you call her at first?” Ben says through a mouthful of muffin.

“Peach. She hated it.” _Well, at least_ that _is the truth._

Ben looks from Poe to her. “I imagine that she did.”

“You don’t even know her,” Poe says and the words are laced with something. Not competiveness exactly. But certainly some bit of manly pride.

“Poe,” she starts to say.

Ben watches his cousin for a moment and then finally tosses the newspaper on the table. “No,” he says to Poe and then his eyes flit back over to her. “No I don’t.” And then he’s gone, getting up from the table and slamming the paper down on it as he turns and walks out of the room.

“Oh thank _God_ ,” Poe mutters under his breath. “I’m sorry your day had to start with such a black cloud over it. I promise it’ll get better.”

Rey shrugs. “He’s not so bad.”

“Not so…”

“Well, you’re right that he’s kind of an asshole. But I can handle my own.” She offers the last with a shrug. “I’ve dealt with much worse.”

Poe says nothing for a moment and then finally nods. “Right. Plutt. And some of your foster brothers.” He’s heard the horrors she grew up with. Dealing with the grumpy cousin of her fake boyfriend is really _nothing_ to her.

“Exactly. So don’t worry about me. I can handle him.”

“I didn’t think for a minute you couldn’t.” Poe offers up his glass and she clicks hers against his.

* * *

Poe takes Finn and Rey out sightseeing that afternoon, leaving one grumpy cousin far behind. She suggests taking him along and Poe reminds her that for one thing, he knows the area and for another, he’d very much like to hold hands with Finn and he can’t exactly do that if Ben comes along.

And then he reminds her that he’s a complete asshole and she supposes that’s that.

Halfway through their afternoon, Rey can tell that Finn and Poe are itching to have a bit more alone time. Not that they didn’t have plenty the night before. Both look a little worse for the wear and Finn, who Poe lasciviously tells her he wore out the night before, slept until nearly 11:00am. His mother had just laughed and offered up _college students_ with an amused smile.

“Guys, I think I’d like to sit for awhile. Is there a coffee shop near here somewhere?” She can see Poe and Finn relax a little, watching the way they exchange quick smiles.

“Oh sure. Will you be ok on your own for a bit? Finn and I would like to…uh…”

“Do some ‘sight-seeing’ of your own?” She smirks. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Finn asks. He looks concerned and she wants to hug him for that. Finn has always been there for her, the big brother she never knew she needed. She _calls_ him her brother to other people and is always amused at the looks she gets when they meet him. _Rey dear, are you sure he’s your brother?_

Adopted brother. It doesn’t matter. He’s _hers_ and she is _his_ and they’re _family_. She’s already promised to be the best woman in his wedding.

“I’m _fine_ ,” she reiterates. “I have my phone and most coffee shops have a wireless connection. I’m good. Just show me where to go and don’t forget about me before you go back.”

They leave. _Finally_. And she has peace and quiet and a lovely cup of tea. Add to that the beautiful view out the window of the coffee shop and she’s very thankful for the reprieve.


	4. The Conversation, Part 1

Rey gets to enjoy the peace and quiet of the coffee shop for exactly 21 minutes. She’s pulled up the latest book she’s been reading and has only just started to get into it, when she hears someone clear his throat. When she looks up, _he_ is there. Ben Solo. And he’s watching her with an expression she can’t quite define. Somewhere between disbelief and annoyance, she supposes, with an edge of something else she doesn’t really _want_ to define.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asks without so much as a _hello, how are you, fancy meeting you here_.

“Poe?”

“You have another boyfriend?” comes the snide reply and she tries not to kick herself for that response.

“Of course not,” she says quickly. “He and Finn went off together somewhere.”

“Did they now?” The words are accompanied by a smirk and she tries very hard not to notice the way those generous lips of his move when he does so.

She can feel herself color slightly. “Yes. They…uh…” _Think, Rey. Don’t let those dark eyes distract you, Rey_. “They wanted to go for a hike…in the woods. I wasn’t up to it.”

“Really.” His voice is flat and she shivers a little at the way he looks her up and down. “You look like you would be.”

“I…well…not today. I didn’t feel like it.” She shrugs and glances back down at her phone. “Now do you mind? I’m reading.”

“Of course you are.”

“What? Do you think I’m not the type to read?”

“Romance novels, maybe.”

She just shoots him a look. “There’s nothing wrong with romance novels…”

“Told you.” He crosses his arms and she watches the way the movement pulls his shirt tight against the muscles of his chest. _Goddamit Poe, you really did_ not _give me enough information on your cousin._ Cousin Ben may indeed be the complete asshole Poe warned her about, but he’s _hot_ in a way that makes Rey’s insides melt.

She doesn’t say anything for a moment, instead taking her phone and pushing it at him.

“What’s this?” he says.

“Just look.”

He takes the phone gingerly and it looks absolutely tiny in his hands. “I hate these things,” she hears him mutter.

“You don’t have a phone?”

“I do,” he admits. “But they’re all made for munchkins, I swear.”

She laughs at that. “They’re made for normal people, Ben. Not giants.”

He stares at her and his eyes are a little wide. “You think I’m a giant?”

Rey just rolls her eyes. “Just look at the damned phone.”

He doesn’t look away for another moment and then finally looks down at it. He lets out an annoyed grunt and then holds it up toward her. “I don’t know your password.”

“God, _forget it_ ,” she mutters and tries to grab her phone back from him.

“No, just log the damned thing in.” There’s both an air of annoyance and petulance to the tone of his voice and she rolls her eyes. He’s _ridiculous_.

“Fine!” She stands then and comes around the table to stand next to him. He hands her the phone back and there’s this _thing_. She doesn’t even know how to describe it. A _spark_ , she supposes but then she sounds like she’s speaking straight out of one of those romance novels he clearly despises. But still, there’s _something_ and she hears him suck in a breath at the same time she does. “I…uh… _here_.” She turns the phone toward him and he leans over her to peer at it.

“Frankenstein? For class?”

“Hardly.” She steps away from him then and throws herself back at her seat. “If you can’t be nice, just go away.”

“I’m being nice,” he mutters.

“Interesting definition of _nice_.” _He’s an asshole Rey, stay away from him Rey._ Poe’s voice goes around and around in her head for a moment and she shakes it to clear the sound out. “I’ll have you know that Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is regarded as the first science-fiction novel ever written. And it’s written by a _girl_.” The last she tosses off with all the irritation she can.

“So it is.”

“Look, I _was_ reading and Poe is supposed to be meeting me back here after they take their little hike, so maybe you should…” She waves her hand vaguely in the direction of the door. He’s _unsettling_ standing there, staring at her.

“Oh yes, it would certainly be unseemly to be caught talking to your lover’s cousin.”

“He’s not my…” she starts to say and then clamps her mouth shut. _Fuck_. “I mean…exactly.”

“Interesting,” Ben murmurs. “Well, I won’t disturb you anymore.” But before he leaves, he leans down closer to her and from that distance she can see the lighter brown flecks in his eyes, the pattern of moles that dot his pale face. “I’ll see you at dinner, Rey.”

And those last words are a _purr_ and she feels it go straight down to her groin.

As he walks off, she slumps in her seat and puts her head in her hands. She is _so_ fucked.

* * *

“Your cousin showed up at the coffee shop,” Rey says as soon as Poe and Finn return.

“Oh no,” Finn mutters. The two of them _look_ like they just had a tryst in the woods. Poe’s face is red and his hair is slicked with sweat. Finn has a few leaves stuck in his hair.

“God guys, did you have to…you know? Don’t you think someone is going to catch on?”

“We fell,” Finn jumps in with. “There was a ravine. I stumbled and fell down the side and Poe tried to stop me but fell in with me.”

“Wow you didn’t plan that at _all_ ,” Rey says, her voice flat. “I mean, no one will ever _not_ believe that story.”

“It’s very believable,” Poe says.

“Ben doesn’t buy it.” She’s sure of it. There are looks that he’s been giving her. More than just that purr at the end, more than the way he won’t stop _staring_ at her. But this knowing look, like he’s onto her.

“Ben’s an asshole,” Poe reminds her.

“Yes, but he’s a _smart_ asshole.”

“He’s getting under your skin,” Poe mutters.

“He’s not,” Rey responds with. “But he’s giving me all these _vibes_ …”

“Creeper vibes?” Finn says and Rey rolls her eyes. “What? He gives _me_ the creeps.”

“He doesn’t give me the creeps,” Rey says and she tries to keep her voice neutral. But Poe gives her an assessing look. He _knows_. Damn these boys.

“You think he’s cute?” Poe asks.

“Not cute exactly…”

“Really?” That one from Finn. “He doesn’t seem like your type.”

“Funny, Ben said the _exact_ same thing about Poe. He’s straight, right? I suppose that makes him ‘more my type’ than Poe.”

Poe stops suddenly and turns to her. “Now let me get this straight. You find my cousin _hot_. We’re talking about Ben Solo here, right? Tall guy, wears all black, has these ridiculously huge ears that his parents told him his entire life he’d grow into and he never did. _That_ cousin.”

Rey’s cheeks are on fire and she _knows_ she’s bright red. _Fuck fuck fuck_. “Could we just _not_ right now?”

“Damn,” Poe says and laughs. _Laughs_. As if it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard of, as if her love life (or lust life, she supposes) was really that amusing.

“I give up.” She turns and storms off then. Poe and Finn follow behind her, still laughing. And more, probably, but she refuses to turn around and give them the satisfaction of seeing her annoyed face.

* * *

The rest of the day is mostly uneventful. She doesn’t see Ben when they get back and so she’s able to escape to her room for a nap. Or at least, she tells them all she needs to take a nap. Poe walks her up to the room like a good boyfriend should and then leaves her there.

He almost says something.

_Almost_.

But Rey stops him with a quick gesture and then shuts the door in his face.

God, this whole thing is a disaster. She’s supposed to be Poe’s girlfriend. Poe, who is dating her best friend. Poe, who wouldn’t give her a second glance because he only likes _men_. And she wants to jump Ben Solo’s bones.

He’s an asshole, sure. Poe was not wrong about that much at least. But _fuck_. He’s _hot_. Not like, Hollywood hot, but she’s never been drawn to that. He’s awkward and strange and _huge_ and she can’t help but realize she’d like to climb that bastard like a fucking _tree_.

She’s on the bed with her pants down around her ankles and her legs spread before she can even think about what she’s doing. Her hand runs down her stomach and to her folds, already finding them wet. It doesn’t take her a long time of running her finger around her clit, rubbing light circles there for her to be gasping into the pillow she’s pulled tight to her face. _Fuck_ , she’d really like to find out how those thick fingers of Ben’s feel there, wonders what one or two or _three_ might feel pressed up inside her, wonders what those gorgeous lips of his would feel like between her legs.

She comes thinking about those lips and his tongue, screaming into her pillow.

Yeah, she is _definitely_ fucked.

* * *

She finds dinner that night an awkward affair. She is still thinking of the intense orgasm she had while thinking about Ben, but she’s playing the dutiful girlfriend to Poe at the same time. And Ben? He’s _watching_ her.

There’s a half-smirk on his face.

One eyebrow raises every time she glances his way.

And she’s _terrified_ that he knows the direction her thoughts have gone in. It probably doesn’t help that Poe keeps shooting her looks, then glancing at Ben, and then _smirking_.

He’s going to give them all away.

She has no idea how she’d even explain to his mother that no she’s _not_ his girlfriend thank you very much and would you mind if I dragged your nephew off to that lovely guestroom you gave me to shag him senseless?

“Poe,” she whispers under her breath.

“Yes, my peach?” he says as he takes her hand.

She kicks him and he pulls away from her. “I thought we weren’t going to use that nickname anymore? _Darling_ ,” she adds for good measure.

“Now, now,” Finn says, his eyes darting around the room. He looks a bit wild-eyed, a little terrified. She knows that he has _no_ idea what they’ll do to Poe if they find out, but he has to know that _he_ is likely to be seen as the bad guy and thrown out on his ear. “None of that.” He laughs, a little awkward. “They’re always fighting over such things.” The last is directed to Poe’s parents.

Rey glances over at Ben, who is watching their exchange far too carefully.

After a pause that is far more awkward than she’d like, Poe grabs her hand. “Was there something you needed?”

“I don’t even know now.” She pulls her hand away, trying to make it look natural, not like she was trying to keep from touching him.

But Shara notices. “Oh my dear, don’t worry about holding hands. I understand young love.” And she smiles. And Rey feels like she’s about two feet tall. She wants to crawl under the table, or beg forgiveness.

_I know I’m not with your son, but maybe you’d accept me as your nephew’s…fuck buddy, maybe?_ As if that would go over well with Poe’s conservative family.

She wonders for a moment what Ben’s family is like, but then remembers that Poe said they don’t talk and she feels a little sad over that. She has no family. And in a way, neither does he. They’re both alone.

She’s not sure what that means for her. Or for him. Or for _any_ of this, really. But she sure would like to find out.

It’s just too bad she’s fake dating Ben’s damned cousin. What a mess they’ve made of everything.


	5. The Conversation, Part 2

Rey’s a creature of habit. She’s learned to be after all those years of changing foster homes. Somehow keeping a routine makes her feel more settled. So even though she’s at someone else’s house, in someone else’s neighborhood, she gets up early for her morning run.

Running makes her feel free. And more than that, it gets out all the nervous energy that she sometimes feels.

Especially now.

Especially _here_.

She’s half-terrified she’s going to say or do something that will give them all away. And she’s half-terrified that she’s _not_ and will never be able to get to know Poe’s cousin.

Poe has told her the neighborhood is pretty safe, but still, he’s given her a good route that she can run. Just a few miles. Not too far, but enough for her to really get out and stretch. She’s thankful South Carolina doesn’t seem to get the snow they do up north. The roads are clear and the path through the little wooded area that Poe and Finn disappeared to the previous day is easy to traverse.

She barely feels warmed up when she jogs back up to the house, stopping to stretch near the porch.

“So you and Poe, huh?” comes the voice from somewhere up above her. She’s stretching that moment with her leg up on one of the steps to the house and nearly loses her balance at the sound.

“What?” The word comes out just a little more snappish than she’d like as she looks up and sees Ben standing there, arms crossed over his chest.

He’s still wearing black, a turtleneck that hugs the muscles of his chest and leaves Rey feeling just a little disconcerted. Jeans that fit him far better than anything has a right to. _Damn_.

“You and Poe, I just wouldn’t have thought that.” He’s digging for something, she’s sure of it.

“Yup, me and Poe.” She’s not quite sure what else to say. _Less is more_.

“How long?”

“Pardon?”

He comes down a couple of the steps and sits down. There’s a strange intensity behind his gaze. “How long have you been together?”

“Six months,” she says quickly. It was what she and Poe had agreed on. It seemed like a sane time frame. Long enough that he might want to bring her home with him, but not so long that any real long-term commitment might be talked about ( _I don’t want my parents to start thinking_ marriage _here, Rey…_ ).

“Really.” There’s a strange flatness to his voice.

“Yes, really.” She tries to push past him, but he’s taking up far too much space on the porch.

“How’d you meet?”

“Class.”

“Which one?”

She glares at him. “What is this, an interrogation?”

He makes a little huffing noise in the back of his throat. “I’m just wondering what you see in him.”

This, at least, she can speak to. Poe’s one of her best friends and she’s seen how he treats Finn. So she can sit back and at least _imagine_ what he’s like as a boyfriend. It’s something she’s seen firsthand for over a year after all.

“He’s good to me.” _God, what else Rey? How does he treat Finn?_ “Sometimes he comes over with his guitar and sings to h…me.” _Fuck_. “All these beautiful love songs. Did you know he can sing?”

“I recall his days in high school rather well. Lead in the musical and all.” Ben makes a waving motion with one hand.

“Right.” She didn’t know that about Poe, but it makes sense. “He listens to me and worries about me.” The last is true at least. Poe is a good friend.

“Uh huh.”

“And did I mention that he’s very handsome?”

Ben snorts at that. “Poe would make sure you did.”

“He’s not _that_ arrogant,” Rey shoots back with. Ok, maybe he _is_. Finn finds it amusing and Rey just rolls her eyes at it when Poe puffs himself up. He’s a good looking guy, no doubt about it. All that lovely hair, which Ben seems to have inherited as well, the tan skin, the bedroom eyes. Oh yes, Poe no doubt has always had a fair bit of attention from both women _and_ men.

“I guess that must have changed since high school.” Ben looks serious, but she can hear the sarcasm lurking beneath the words.

“What is your issue anyway?” The words come out perhaps more forceful than she intends and she realizes that she’s close to Ben, _too_ close really. Leaning over and her face less than a foot from his. He looks less smug now, his eyes meeting hers and tracing down to her lips for a moment.

She can feel her cheeks reddening.

_Fuck._

“I’m just wondering something.” His voice is a quiet whisper.

“Yeah?” She’s not sure she wants to know what he’s wondering. But then a part of her is _dying_ to know what it is.

And then there’s the part of her that would like to drag him upstairs and have her wicked way with him. _Fuck_. Rey doesn’t think like this. She doesn’t _care_ about such things. Or she doesn’t worry about them at least. She’s always figured that things would happen someday when she met the right person. But now? She doesn’t even _know_ Ben. All she’s heard about him is that he’s a cranky bastard who hates his parents and his family, but Poe’s parents worry about him and invite him to their Christmas celebrations anyway. And still she wants to jump him.

“Just…how exactly did the guy I found making out with the men’s soccer coach beneath the bleachers during his senior year end up landing a girl like _you_?”

 _Fuck_. It’s the only thing she can think of for a moment. It goes through her head a few times. _Fuck fuck fuck_.

She draws herself up as straight as she can, looks down her nose at him, and lies through her fucking teeth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She steps past him. Or tries to at least. One of Ben’s massive hands wraps around her ankle and she lets out a small yelp as she turns to glare at him.

“You do know,” he insists. He lets her go then and she races back into the house. She’s back in the room that she’s staying in when she finally lets herself freak out.

He knows.

He has to.

He knows Poe is gay. He’s _seen_ the evidence of it with his own eyes. She could pretend it was just high school experimentation but the way that Ben speaks of it, she knows _he_ knows it wasn’t that. She thinks of Finn and Poe off in the woods, which Ben knew of. She thinks of them coming back and her trying to get all the leaves out of their hair and the mud off their coats and pretending that she wouldn’t have actually liked a walk in the woods. Even though she most definitely would have. Because Ben was right. She totally _is_ that type.

And _Ben knows_.

The knock comes just a few minutes after she’s in the room and she throws herself on the bed, grabs a pillow and tries not to scream into it.

_You knew this was a bad idea, Rey. Why did you go through with this, Rey? You’re a fucking idiot, Rey._

“Rey?” Finn’s voice comes from outside her door and she breathes a sigh of relief. Finn. Not Ben. _Fucking thank you_.

She throws the door open to find both Poe and Finn on the other side, almost identical looks of concern on their faces. “Are you…” Poe starts to say when Rey grabs them by the arms and yanks them both into the room, shutting the door behind her.

“Rey?” Finn asks.

“He knows,” she gasps out.

“He…” Poe starts to say, but then. “Ben? What did he say to you?”

“We saw him talking to you, peanut. We almost came to rescue you, but we know you can handle yourself.”

“Of course I can,” she shoots back. Finn knows better than to think she’s some damsel in distress. She never has been, never will be. “But oh fuck, he _knows_ Poe.” She rounds on him then, separating him from Finn to glare at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Poe cocks his head slightly to the side and there’s a deep furrow between his brows. “Tell you _what_?”

“Ben knows you’re gay.” The words are flat.

“What? No. He doesn’t know that. No one does…”

“Really? Because he recalls seeing you making out with the men’s fucking _soccer coach_ during your senior year.” She pushes her finger into his chest.

Poe gets the most ridiculously sappy grin on his face at that. “Ohhh Mr. Johnson. God, I had such a crush on him during high school.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “Such a crush? You _made out with him_. In public.”

“It was under the bleachers,” he shoots back with, the words defensive. And then flinches. “Ben really saw it?”

“Obviously. It’s not like you spoke of it to anyone.”

“Yeah,” Finn interjects with. “You’ve never mentioned _that_ one, darling.” And he sounds annoyed.

Rey turns toward him. “This isn’t about your love life here, Finn. I don’t care what Poe did in high school except that _Ben Solo_ saw it. You know, evil cranky Ben who you wanted me to stay away from. Oh _God_ …did you want me to stay away from him because he _knew_?”

“No!” Poe says quickly. “I didn’t…No. He’s just an asshole.”

“He’s something, alright,” Rey responds with.

“Oh come on, Rey,” Finn tosses in. “Just because you think he’s hot…”

“I never should have said anything!” she says, throwing her hands up in the air and falling back on her bed. Drama. That usually gets at least _Finn_ to laugh a little.

“You didn’t,” Poe points out.

“You’re just that obvious,” Finn adds.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”

“Don’t let my mother hear you say that!”

There’s dead silence after that. And then all three of them dissolve into giggles. It feels _good_. Get some of that tension out, both the tension of knowing they’re _lying_ to people who are good people. Good Christian values and all that. Even if they don’t see eye to eye on some things, Rey feels like maybe lying to these people is just _wrong_.

But also the tension of whatever she has with surly cousin Ben. Or whatever she _wants_ , maybe.

And she really doesn’t know what’s there. There was that…moment. She can’t get his eyes out of her head, the way they drank her in, the way they focused on her lips. As if he were trying to tempt her, trying to get her to break.

“Earth to Rey?”

She glances back up at the sound of Finn’s voice. “Sorry,” she mutters.

“You really have the hots for him, don’t you?” He sounds, if not totally understanding, at least a little sympathetic. “I mean, I get it. I do” Poe shoots him a look. “What?” Finn says to him. “Jealous? I’m not the one keeping things from me.”

Poe crosses his arms over his chest. “I didn’t keep anything from you.”

“Oh, Mr. _Johnson_ ,” Finn says, bring the back of his hand to his forehead and batting his eyelashes.

“It’s not like…”

“We are _so_ talking about this later.”

Rey just rolls her eyes. They’ll get into another one of their stupidly soppy fights and Finn will cry on her shoulder and then crawl back to Poe and apologize for being an idiot.

“Can we get back to Rey, please?” Poe gestures at her.

“Could we _not_ , please?” Rey shoots back with.

“Oh come on. I’m not the one who wants to fuck my cousin.” He offers up a smirk.

“I didn’t say…”

“No? Then why are you bright red?” Poe high-fives Finn and the two burst out into laughter.

“I’m not…” She gets up and glances at herself in the mirror. They’re right. Of course they are. “Ok fine,” she says as she whirls back to them. “I find him…attractive.”

“He’s weird looking,” Poe says.

“He’s built like a fucking brick shithouse, Poe,” Rey points out.

“He works out all the time. I mean, he’s not getting chicks with that face, so he might as well work on the rest of him.”

“There’s nothing wrong with his face,” Rey says and cringes as the words come out. “I mean…oh _nevermind_. Get out of here.” She shoves at Poe. “I don’t have time for your shenanigans.”

“Of course you don’t. You need to figure out ways to seduce poor Ben Solo.” He stands and shakes his head. “I don’t even think he’ll know what’s hit him. It’s not like it’s ever happened before.”

“What, seriously?”

“I can’t ever remember him dating anyone. Or even being _seen_ with anyone.” Poe shakes his head, his eyes a little vacant, clearly back in his memories. “Congrats, Rey. I think you’ve got yourself interested in the only nearly 30-year-old virgin I know.”

Rey finally just rolls her eyes. “Ugh. Just go. I’m so over this conversation. I need a shower and a damned nap after dealing with all of you.”

Poe laughs. Finn just shakes his head.

“Fine, fine,” Finn says. “We’re leaving. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.”

When the door opens, Poe’s mother is walking by. She stops and gives them all one of those _eyebrows_.

 _Fuck_. She really hopes she hasn’t been listening in. But then Poe turns and gives her a big hug. “Get some rest, peach,” he says against the side of her face, far too close to her ear. She tries not to giggle.

“I will…sweetheart.” And she hopes the last word doesn’t come out too awkward. Or too sarcastic. Poe’s mom smiles though, so it must be ok. She breathes a sigh of relief as she shuts the door and she’s finally alone again.

Being with people all the time is _hard_.

Being with people all the time who you’re lying to and needing to be on your guard and doing your best to act when you are _definitely_ no actress? It would leave anyone exhausted. And so Rey collapses into the bed she’s calling her own during this little charade, thankful for the respite from it all. She’s asleep in moments.

* * *

She doesn’t see Ben for the rest of the day. A part of her is happy with that. The other part, that little traitorous part that wants to jump the bastard, is not. She can’t help but look for him when she finally comes downstairs from her nap, can’t help but look for him when Poe’s mother puts out a huge spread for lunch.

She tries not to ask, but can’t stop herself anyway. “Should we wait for Ben?”

Poe smirks.

Finn does too.

Poe's mother just gives her a great big smile. “I’m glad he hasn’t scared you off, Rey. He’s not a bad kid. Just a little rough around the edges.” And _God_ she feels terrible because his mother thinks she’s just being a good girlfriend to her son when that’s not true at all. “He’s gone off to do some work. He won’t be joining us for lunch.”

She doesn’t see him at dinner either. Poe’s parents insist he take her out on a nice pre-Christmas _date_. She can’t believe they haven’t seen through it yet. How is it even possible? They see what they want to see, apparently. Rey insists on bringing Finn along, insisting that she has plenty of time for dates with Poe after the Christmas holiday and just how fair to poor Finn would it be to leave him behind? His father tells her she’s a good friend and sends them on their way.

Frankly, she wants to dump them both off at the restaurant and go find some place to eat on her own, but she knows that’s not possible. Finn and Poe may be able to sneak off to the woods for whatever trysts they want but if they start acting, well, all _themselves_ in a restaurant, they’ll be noticed. So she goes along as the dutiful girlfriend and tries to keep their hands off each other.

It should be a nice easy end to the day. It really _should_. But she’s anxious and on edge and when they get back, still with no sign of Ben, she’s not sure if she’s relieved or unhappy that she hasn’t seen him all day.

_You’re being ridiculous, Rey. You can’t have him anyway, Rey. Stop it, Rey._

She really needs to just get this whole thing _over with_ and go back to her life. Her normal, boring life. Poe’s parents have already gone to up to bed by the time they return, so she leaves Finn and Poe to whatever they want to do for the rest of the night and curls into bed with one of the books she brought. Maybe a good fantasy that’s _not_ her own will take her mind off the disaster she’s let her life become.


	6. The Shopping Trip

Christmas is only two days away.

It’s only two days away and Rey realizes something. Well, she wouldn’t have realized _anything_ if Shara hadn’t smiled sweetly at her at breakfast the next morning and asked if she’d like help wrapping her presents.

_Presents_.

She had no time to think, no time to run out and get gifts. She has no idea what to get anyone. It’s not like she’s ever bought anything for the boys before. Their presents to each other are their time. Some pizza, some movies, a cake and cookies. They share their presence and for Rey, who never had a family, never had a real _home_ , that’s more important than anything.

But here? Here there should be presents.

“I…that is…” she tries to say.

Poe gives her a sympathetic look. “We didn’t have time to go shopping before we left.”

Rey grimaces. “School,” she says. “And you know…work was…really busy.” There’s no lie there at least. Finals are always tough. And it’s the time of year when everyone suddenly remembers that they needed to get snow tires on and oh my gosh, we’re going on a trip and can we sneak in for an oil change and oh that check engine light yeah that’s been on forever. December is never easy as a mechanic.

So she’s been busy.

But that’s not the whole of it.

She gives Poe and Finn a panicked look and Finn quickly interjects. “We can all go shopping this afternoon!”

“Right!” Rey says. “Exactly. This afternoon. We’ll do that.”

Shara gives them a look and makes a tisking noise in the back of her throat. “You can’t go shopping _together_ ,” she says as if that were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Of course not,” Poe says, the dutiful son and all.

“I don’t know the area,” Rey starts to say.

“I know!” Shara says, clapping her hands together. Rey watches as her gaze falls on Ben for a moment. Ben, who is sitting sullenly at one side of the table, an extra chair between himself and the rest of the family. Ben who is already on his second cup of coffee and even still he looks no more awake than he did when he first came downstairs. Dark hair a mess of waves around his head, eyes hooded and just a little bloodshot. She wonders if he didn’t sleep well, or maybe he’d been drinking the night before. Maybe it’s his way of coping with his family. She’s not sure if that just makes her a little melancholy or a little angry. Poe’s family is lovely. Maybe a little more conservative than Rey would like. But they’re wonderful people. “Ben can take Rey!”

Poe chokes on his coffee and Rey turns to stare at him as he tries to catch his breath. _Poe, no,_ she thinks moments before he opens his mouth. “I think that’s a great idea. I’m sure that Rey would _lov_ e for Ben to take her.” He pauses there and Rey cringes as Finn lets out a small snort of laughter.

Ben is glaring at him.

Rey is watching Ben.

Shara seems oblivious as she looks from Poe to Rey, a little furrow between her brows.

“Shopping, that is,” Poe finishes with a little wave of his hand. “Rey would love to go with Ben. Right, darling?”

“Um, sure.” She turns to glance at Ben and he’s watching _her_ now. There’s no glare on his face, just lips slightly parted. “That is, if Ben is ok with that.”

“I don’t like to shop,” he mutters.

“Yeah well, neither do I,” Rey shoots back with. He’s going to make it difficult. Of course he is. _He’s an asshole, Rey._ She can hear Poe’s voice echoing in her head.

Ben cocks his head slightly to the side as he stares at her, as if she’s some weird species of bug that he needs to study. “I thought all girls did.”

“Do you know any women at all?” Rey doesn’t mean for the words to sounds so harsh.

“Apparently not,” he shoots back.

Shara gives them all a rather indulgent look. “Ok children, enough fighting.”

Rey almost shoots back with _I’m not a child_ but then realizes just how childish they’re all being. She’s really not sure if going shopping with _Ben_ is a good idea. Not when she’s supposed to be Poe’s girlfriend. Not when she wants to drag Ben off and have her way with him. _Oh bloody hell_. “After lunch, Ben can take Rey to the mall.” She shoots her nephew a rather harried look. “No arguing.” She points a finger at Ben and he looks suitably cowed. The woman has a _way_ about her, that’s for sure.

“Great,” Poe says. “I’m going to take Finn out for another hike. We can hit the mall or something on the way home.” Rey is staring at him and so Poe leans closer. “I know how you hate all that _manly_ stuff.”

“You should know by now Poe that all that _manly_ stuff doesn’t bother me,” she points out. Anyone who knows Rey knows she’s a bit of a tomboy.

“Right, but hikes, dear?” She sighs at that. He’s going so far overboard trying to look like the super straight manly man boyfriend he’s _not_ that he’s going right on over into misogynist territory. She really should talk to him about it sometime. _It’s ok to be yourself, Poe. Not all straight men are like you think they are_. He’s trying so hard that it looks fake on him and she tries not to cringe as she rolls her eyes at him.

For a moment her mind wanders to what Ben might by like as a boyfriend, if he would go on hikes with her and work on cars with her, and then she tries to push that out of her mind. She’s going to have to spend an afternoon with him and the last thing she needs is to be thinking about is how she’d like to jump him the entire time.

* * *

“Do you really hate to hike as much as Poe thinks you do?” Ben says. They’ve been in the car for what feels like _forever_. Not that she’s complaining entirely. The car is beautiful, an old 1977 TIE Fighter that she’s only _heard_ about, but never seen in person. Sleek and black, the latter of which is no surprise to her. She wants to ask about it, about who does the upkeep, where he has it serviced, but then she’s afraid she’ll end up looking like she’s somewhat off her rocker.

Guys tend to have no idea what to do with a woman who knows as much about cars as she does. So she remarks on how pretty it is and lets it go at that. Ben gives her an eye at that, as if he somehow expected _more_ , but lets it go.

Rey lets out a snort. “Not at all.”

“Then why…”

“He and Finn…” She chokes that back, can feel her face reddening a little bit. _Fuck_. “They seem to think girls don’t like that.”

Ben glances over at her. “And you don’t disabuse him of this nonsense?”

“Says the guy who thinks all women like to shop?”

“Touché,” he mutters. “What _do_ you see in Poe anyway?”

She glances over at him and she’s not sure if he’s honestly curious or just trying to _dig_ further. But there’s no smirk on his face, just a slight grimace as he says Poe’s name.

“He’s good to me.”

“You said that earlier.”

“Well, he _is_.” She hates how defensive she sounds. “I met him when he rescued me from being locked out of my apartment.” It’s not a lie at least. She hadn’t met Poe before when he came to her rescue. It had been a frigid evening when she arrived home to find her keys had gone missing and Finn was out for the evening. She had texted Finn with no response. He was on a date. She knew that much at least. And then this guy drove by and took one look at her bedraggled form and pulled her into the warm interior of his car.

She’d been interested.

She can’t even lie to herself now. He’d been handsome, her hero, saving her from the cold and a night of waiting on the doorstep for Finn to appear. Finn had finally texted her where he was with his date and she and Poe crashed it shortly after receiving the text.

And then she’d seen the way Poe looked at Finn. And Finn had walked out on his date and come with them to “save her.” It had been a completely insane night, but it ended up with Finn hooking up with the guy she had thought had been into _her_ and now here she was.

“How gallant of him.” There’s a bit of petulance behind the words, maybe a bit of sarcasm. “Poe Dameron, Rescuer of Damsels in Distress.” Ok, _definitely_ sarcasm.

“Can we not talk about Poe anymore?”

He shrugs. “Sure.”

They fall into a somewhat uncomfortable silence then and after another five minutes of driving and no mall in sight, Rey lets out an exasperated sigh. “Just how far _is_ this mall?”

Ben snorts. “The nearest mall to the Damerons is approximately a five minute drive. They’re everywhere down here.”

“Where the hell are we going then?” They’ve been driving for at least a half hour at that point and she’s starting to feel a little nervous.

He shoots her a look and then looks back at the road. “Another mall.”

“That’s all you’re going to tell me?”

“It’s better, ok? The mall closest to their house is a pathetic kitschy little thing.”

“I don’t have the money to afford some expensive gift!” she shouts at him. “I’m a bloody college student.”

“I didn’t say it was expensive.”

“Yeah for _you_ , you mean? Not all of us can afford a 1977 TIE Fighter.”

That seems to give him pause. “You know what this car is?”

“Fuck,” she mutters. Then she finally sighs. “Fine, yes. I may be a mechanic in my spare time.”

“May be?”

“Ok fine. I might be in school for automotive engineering.” She doesn’t tell people that very often. She _definitely_ doesn’t tell men she’s interested in that. Not that she’s gone beyond a few first dates and a couple disappointing hook-ups.

“Fuck.”

“Sorry, I…”

He laughs, this short bark of a thing. “My father would have loved you,” he mutters.

“Would have?” The words come out softly.

His lips clamp together and he says nothing for a moment. “I don’t want to talk about my father.”

She cringes. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

“There’s nothing _to_ know,” he says and then goes quiet again. A moment later, he turns the radio up. Loud heavy metal hits her like a blast of cold air, cutting off any chance for further conversation. She supposes she should be thankful for that at least. It was getting really far too awkward and maybe just a little too personal for either one of them.

* * *

The place they end up at is gorgeous. Nestled in the mountains, it’s like a Christmas card come to life. “Holy fuck,” she whispers as she steps out of the car.

“You like that word, don’t you?” Ben sounds sarcastic, maybe a little annoyed, but when she glances over at him, he’s watching her with a strangely soft look on his face. The small half-smile softens his features and all she wants to do is lean over and kiss the bastard. She turns away though. What can she do? She’s dating _Poe_.

Or at least, _he_ thinks she’s dating Poe. And worse, he knows that Poe is gay and he probably feels _sorry_ for her, that she can be so easily duped into being with someone who is trying to cover up who he really is.

And fuck it all, that’s becoming a complication she really doesn’t like. There’s a part of her that wants to tell him that she’s not _really_ dating his cousin and that yes he is still as gay as he thought he was back in high school. But what can she say exactly? _Poe is fucking Finn and if you don’t mind, could we go back to my bedroom and fuck like rabbits please because I’m pretty sure you’d be an amazing fuck even if Poe does think you’re a 30-year-old virgin?_

“Sorry,” she murmurs.

“Don’t be. I just find it amusing that such a potty-mouthed girl is staying at the home of the most pious Damerons.”

She gives a small huff of laughter. “You don’t approve?”

“Of you?”

“Of them, I mean.”

He shrugs. “I was raised rather differently from Poe,” is all he’ll admit. He turns toward the little village then and she’s surprised when he directs her forward and one of his hands rests briefly on her back. It’s warm there. Warm and big and she _likes_ it. “This little village is basically the brainchild of a family friend, Maz. She’s _eccentric_ to say the least.”

“Eccentric?”

“You’ll see.”

“I suppose I will.”

He stops then and turns to her. “Just…look…don’t tell her you’re dating Poe.”

“What? Why?”

“Just trust me. You do _not_ want Maz digging into that part of your life. You’ll either want to strangle her for it or fall madly in love with her for it.”

“Maz is really that…”

“Unique. Yes. Just…trust me, ok? Don’t let Maz dig into your life.”

She nods but she can’t help the way the curiosity creeps up inside her at just who and _what_ this woman is.


	7. Maz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so far who have commented, kudoed, and subscribed! Merry Christmas!!

Rey has _no idea_ what to get Poe for Christmas. She thinks of what he likes, nice clothes, a fine scotch, cheap beer, and wonders what would a _girlfriend_ get him that speaks to their relationship. Something that’s not as impersonal as a stupid tie, but something that’s not intimate. They’ve only been “dating” for six months after all.

They hunt through several stores and find various things for other members of the family. A lovely glass ornament at one store that Rey thinks will look nice on their tree. That one is for his mother. Impersonal, but pretty. She’ll appreciate the gesture, especially as it has an image of the baby Jesus in the manger on it. A tie with “Go Navy” emblazoned on it for his father. He watches the games _every year_ apparently and carries on for days if Navy loses. It’s both charming and silly at the same time. Ben assures her he’ll love it. Finn is easy. He loves that ratty old pea coat of his and in a thrift store on the outskirts of town, Rey finds one that’s in nearly perfect condition for a steal. She can find new buttons for it and sew them on herself.

“What about this?” Ben asks as they’re leaving the thrift store. _This_ is a bright pink boa and she feels her cheeks grow red even as she starts to laugh.

“I’m not sure that’s quite Poe’s style.” He’s gay, but not a stereotype. He’s not _flamboyant_. But she knows what Ben is getting at.

“Are you sure?” he asks and there’s a strange light in his eyes.

“I’m sure.” She pushes it back onto the rack and turns away from him. For a moment, just a tiny one, she envisions wrapping the ridiculous thing around Ben’s neck and yanking him into a dressing room and having her way with him. She really _really_ doesn’t know how long she can keep this whole charade up before she breaks. “Come on,” she finally says as she walks off. “I don’t think we’re going to find anything here.”

“Suit yourself,” he says with a shrug, but she watches as he reaches out to touch the boa and cringes a bit at the smirk that crosses his face.

* * *

They end up, _finally_ , finding something completely inoffensive that she thinks Poe might like at a little shop near the end of town. She can’t count the number of times he’s lost cards out of his ratty little wallet. She finds a lovely one at a leatherworker’s shop and for only a little bit extra, she can get Poe’s initials engraved into the leather.

The worker chats her up while he’s working and she’s surprised when Ben grabs the wallet at the end and shoots the man a dark look. “She has a _boyfriend_.”

Rey cringes, almost apologizes for him, but then they’re out of the store and she’s left to rush after his retreating form. “What the hell was that about?”

“Well, you _do_ , don’t you? The _fabulous_ Poe.” The last is sad with some amount of sarcasm and she almost… _almost_ …rolls her eyes at him.

“Yes,” she says instead, the word a bit more forceful than she had intended. “Can we just…” She waves her hands in the air. She doesn’t know what she’s even trying to say at that moment. …not,” she finishes lamely.

He stops and watches her for a moment. “Let’s get something to eat.”

“Now _that_ sounds like a brilliant idea!” Those are the magic words really. Food is _always_ a priority and even Ben and his being a complete and utter ass about Poe can’t destroy the magic of going someplace _new_ and trying something _new_.

Which is how they, finally, end up going to Maz’s Place. Frankly, she’s been curious about Maz since they first arrived and Ben mentioned her. He seemed so… _something_ about her. Concerned, panicked. She’s not even sure. She should be afraid to meet her. Instead she’s excited.

The place they walk into is dimly lit and not at _all_ what she expected. It looks more like Aladdin’s Cave of Wonders. Or maybe a pirate’s treasure trove. There’s stuff _everywhere_ , a mix of mismatched fabric that looks like it was plucked off the clearane racks at a local craft store and cheap costume jewelry. Rey is pretty sure she sees a few taxidermied animals mixed in with the mess. She’s staring around it when she hears Ben shift next to her.

“I told you she was eccentric,” he mutters.

“Eccentric,” she repeats. “Or _amazing_?”

Ben has no chance to say anything to Rey’s awed response to the sheer craziness she’s walked into. “Ben Solo!”

“Aunt Maz,” he says as he turns toward the woman.

“Where’s my…” she starts to ask before she notices Rey.

“Uncle Chewie’s not…” His voice fades out as Maz takes a few steps toward Rey.

And it takes the absolutely tiny woman a few steps to _get_ to her. She has to be all of about four feet tall. She peers up at Rey through glasses so thick that her squinting eyes are magnified to absolutely ridiculous proportions. There’s no guessing the tiny woman’s age. Her face is a mess of wrinkles and yet the gigantic eyes behind the glasses look bright and shrewd. She could be 60. Or she could be 100. Rey isn’t even sure it matters.

“You brought a _girl_!” Maz says, clapping her hands together.

Ben rolls his eyes. “Aunt Maz, this is Rey. Rey, this is my…well, she’s not _really_ my Aunt…”

“Close enough, boy.” Maz’s voice is sharp and yet somehow still manages to be touched with affection.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Rey offers up. She’s not sure what else to say.

“I’m sure it is,” Maz says and Rey has _no_ idea what she even means by that. “Ben never brings a girl around.”

“ _Maz_.” There’s a threat behind his words but she’s surprised to see that the ever grumpy Ben Solo actually has a tiny bit of a smile on his face. It makes him even more handsome, she realizes. She can’t say he looks _relaxed_ , but he looks, well, not quite so angry at the world.

“He doesn’t,” Maz goes on with, studying Rey. “Just what _are_ you doing here with this big lug?”

“Shopping…”

Maz lets out a bark of laughter. “Oh, ho, you sure must have him wrapped around your finger.”

“We’re not…” Rey starts to say at the same time Ben says Maz’s name again.

Maz narrows her eyes at Rey, looks over at Ben, and back to Rey. “Sure you’re not.” And then she turns away. “Come then, I’ll get you a booth. In the back.”

“We don’t want the back, Maz,” Ben says quickly.

“What’s wrong with the back?” Rey asks.

But it’s too late, Maz leads them to _the back_ and _the back_ appears to be a rather sweetly romantic little alcove tucked away from everything else.

“Like I said, we don’t want the back.” Ben’s voice is half-amused, half-annoyed. He turns to Maz then, putting his hand on the tiny woman’s shoulder and _dear God_ that hand is just massive resting there. “Maz, Rey and I aren’t _together_.”

“Are you going to break my heart, Benjamin?” Maz puts a hand dramatically over her heart.

“Nothing is going to stop that heart from ticking.”

“Don’t you break it, Ben Solo. Don’t you dare.” She waggles a finger at him and he releases her, taking a step back.

“Fine,” he mutters, throwing himself into the curved booth.

Rey is just about to sit down when Maz reaches out to touch her arm. She turns back, leaning down close to the woman to hear whatever she has to say. “Benjamin has never brought a girl to me.” And then she’s gone, leaving a couple menus and the silence of complete and utter awkwardness.

She sits then and stares at Ben.

He stares at her.

“I should have told her I’m dating Poe.”

“No,” he says quickly.

“Why?”

“Just…it’s better if she thinks…” He waves a hand between us. “Just trust me.”

“Fine,” she shoots back. She has no idea what to say to that anyway. Does Maz know? She’s certain Ben does, though he seems to be playing along to the best of his sarcastic ability. She’s been doing everything in her power to make them believe that she’s really Poe’s girlfriend, but Ben clearly isn’t completely buying it. He’s seen Poe, after all, making out with a _guy_. And she wants to keep defending him. _Poe’s bi. No really. He is. It’s ok. I’m totally cool with it._ She _would_ be cool with it, if it were true. But he’s _not_ and he’s made that completely clear to anyone who questions him.

“So,” Rey says.

“Yeah…so…” Ben seems to be equally at a loss for words. He picks up his menu and makes a careful study of it.

Rey starts to do the same but then suddenly puts it down. “Solo?” She doesn’t know why she hasn’t quite put two and two together. The last name had been familiar, certainly. No one who works on cars isn’t familiar with the Solo name. But the connection hadn’t dawned on her until now.

Ben flinches. Actually _flinches_. But he doesn’t say anything.

“Han Solo? You’re Han Solo’s kid?” She knows Han. _Everyone_ knows Han. Or at least, all her coworkers do and the others in her automotive classes and anyone who’s _anyone_ in the car business.

“I didn’t do it,” he says quickly.

“Do what?”

He shakes his head. “You know who my father was, but you don’t know anything _about_ it?”

“About…” And then she remembers. The rumors, the speculations. Han Solo had gone out in a blaze of glory, crashing his Falcon in a most spectacular fashion. Chewie had been with him and had somehow managed to walk away from it all with nothing more than a loss of the memories leading up to the crash. And his _son_ had been there. He’d been injured too, though the injuries were minor. He claimed to have lost his memories as well, but there had been too many threads left open for the press not to have had a heyday. “Oh,” she finally says.

“And there it is,” Ben mutters. “You think I’m a monster.”

The way he says it makes Rey’s heart ache a little. Like it’s a reaction he’s used to. When he started to turn away, she reaches out a hand to touch him lightly on the arm. And there’s that _spark_. She feels it deep down in her bones.

“Why so serious over here?” comes Maz’s voice. “Isn’t this a date?”

“It’s not a date,” Ben and Rey say at the same time and she’s surprised to see his cheeks turn a bit pink.

“Hmmm,” Maz says. “I beg to differ.” She says nothing further though, just takes their orders. She’s almost laughing by the time Rey gets hers out. A double cheeseburger, fries, a large chocolate shake and after Ben tells her that Maz is known for her amazing meatballs, she orders a few of those on the side too.

“How have you not had a heart attack?” Ben asks.

“Good genes,” she shoots back with a grin. She glances over to where Maz disappeared and then looks back at Ben. “I don’t think you’re a monster,” she says at last.

He seems to relax at least a little. “Well, good. I guess that means I don’t have to kill you and shove you in the trunk of my car.”

He says it with such _seriousness_ that Rey’s eyes widen. And then the moment is broken by a small half-smile on his face and her laughter.

And she’s wondering if Ben Solo is maybe not the total asshole Poe has said he is. There’s something else there. Loneliness, fear, the rumors and hatred from all the people who loved his father. She finds her heart aching, just a little.

* * *

The rest of the meal is only somewhat awkward. Maz brings their drinks and their food and imparts her special brand of wisdom every time she does. No matter how many times she or Ben tell her that they’re not a couple, she just ignores it.

Until Rey starts to get frustrated.

And finally she turns to Maz after her latest bit ( _Treat her right, Ben, my boy, she’s a good kid…_ ). “I’m not dating Ben. I’m dating _Poe_.”

The words fall heavily into the silence that follows. She can see Ben grimacing out of the corner of her eye.

And Maz? She’s just staring at her, eyes wide behind her coke-bottle glasses. And then she _laughs_. It’s a strange, wheezing sound, but it is _definitely_ laughter. “Poe?” she finally manages to get out.

Her next words are buried beneath Ben’s leaping up and clamping his hand over the tiny woman’s mouth. “Whatever you were going to say next, _don’t_.”

He releases her and Maz, still laughing, shakes her head. “Oh Ben, you have your work cut out for you with this one.” And then she leaves again, disappearing into the back room.

And Rey knows she _knows_. Bloody hell, everyone knows here. Everyone except Poe’s parents. And she still has to keep up this ridiculous charade, even if part of her thinks they should drive Ben’s sleek car out to the middle of a field and just get it on already.

“Sorry about that,” Ben mutters. He’s watching her with a look that sets her on edge. Pity. There’s a look of _pity_ on that long face of his. And she realizes, in that moment, that maybe it’s not so much that Ben isn’t buying her dating Poe. It’s that he thinks _she_ believes Poe isn’t using her as some sort of cover, a way to hide that he’s gay from the world. That she honestly and truly is “dating” Poe. And he’ll break her heart eventually. _Oh fuck._

She remembers, somewhere in the back of her mind, some tale of woe about one lie leading to another. And here she is, digging herself a nice little pit of lies that she’s not really sure how to dig herself out of.


	8. The Ride Home

They spend the first part of the ride back in silence. Well, not _silence_ exactly. Ben has cranked up the volume on the admittedly nice stereo and the frantic beats of heavy metal are their accompaniment for at least the first twenty minutes. When Ben turns off the road onto some little dirt road, no, more like a path, she sits up straight and turns to stare at him.

“What are you doing?” she tries to ask, but the music drowns her out.

_This is it, Rey. This is the moment he takes you out to a field in the middle of Nowhere, North Carolina, and does away with you. They won’t find your body for years. Some developer will find your bones in a shallow grave when they go to make a strip mall out of the place_.

She really does watch too many true crime shows. Ben’s a cranky bastard at times, but he’s really been quite kind to her. _Or is that just your hormones talking, Rey?_

She tries to ask him again and when she puts her hand on his arm to get his attention he startles, jerking the wheel a little and causing her to let out a little yelp.

He pulls over then and turns the music off. “Why do you look like you’re half a second from bolting out of the car?” He sounds genuinely concerned.

She lets out a little laugh. “Nothing. You’ve just taken me out to the middle of nowhere…”

“Did you think I was going to murder you?”

“What?” She laughs again. “No. Of course not. Why would I think that?”

“Because of those damned stories about my father,” he mutters and there’s a tightness about his eyes that makes her feel simply _awful_ for even entertaining the thought.

“I watch too many horror movies,” she says by way of explanation.

“I see.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t really think that. Sometimes my imagination…”

He sighs then and runs one of those incredibly large hands of his through all of that amazing hair and she has to remind herself that as far as he’s concerned, no she is _not_ single and she should _not_ jump him.

Maybe she could tell him.

Just come clean.

Beg him to keep up the charade while fucking her in the backseat of his TIE Fighter.

She almost opens her mouth up to do exactly that when he says the words that are guaranteed to make her completely melt and decide that no, he really is _not_ an asshole thank you very much. Words that will make her, for the moment at least, forget about jumping him.

“Look, I thought maybe before we went back you might want to take a look at it. The car, I mean. You’re an automotive engineering student, right? Maybe it might…”

At her squeal, he stops talking and his eyes are wide, his mouth half open and she wants to hug him or kiss him or _something_. But instead, she’s throwing open the door and racing to the front of the car before she can even stop herself. _Don’t look too eager, Rey_.

Well, at least she’s throwing herself at his _car_ rather than at him. Though at the moment she’s not sure which she’d rather do. _One, then the other_ , her traitorous mind tells her. She glances at the backseat of his car for a moment and tries to do the calculations in her head. Ben would probably be way too big to fit back there. But maybe they could make it work.

Ben follows out of the car more slowly and by the time he does, she already has the hood thrown up and is poking around in the engine.

Which is in _pristine_ condition. “There’s a supercharger.” Her fingers are tracing the edges of it. It doesn’t surprise her. She thought the car had a lot more power than a car from the 1970s normally would have. There are tweaks in it _everywhere_. Secondary air filter, the supercharger that she wasn’t even aware was available for such a car, modifications to make the engine lighter. Everything for speed and maneuverability.

“Who _did_ all of this?” She can’t help the way the awe creeps up in her voice. She wants to crawl into the engine, see how it all works. She’s never seen a TIE up close, much less one of this era. And she never thought she’d see one with such amazing modifications. It’s all blended together perfectly, looking as if each modification actually _belongs_. She’s seen some shitty mods during her time working on cars, things slapped onto the engine in a completely haphazard way.

But not this.

This is _precise_.

Ben comes to stand next to her and she glances up at him to see him looking into the engine with a pensive look on his face.

“Ben?”

He meets her eyes for a moment, but then looks back at the car. “My father, mostly,” he admits. “I did some of it, though.” His cheeks are tinged red and those generous lips of his are pressed together in a thin line.

“You don’t like talking about him, do you?”

“No,” comes the flat reply.

“But…” She starts to say but he shoots her a _look_ and she remembers Poe telling her that he never sees his family. His father is gone and there were the rumors. His mother? She knows nothing of her, but it’s apparent he isn’t close to her family.

And that makes her heart ache.

He _has_ a family. Or had one at least. Her family is a self-made one, patched together from the people she’s met over the years. Finn, Poe, her best friend Rose. She’s pulled them together to create a family that’s not bound by blood, but by love and companionship.

“I’m sorry,” she finally says. “Can you…” She doesn’t even know what she’s going to say. “Where did you find a supercharger to fit one of these?”

“My father,” he says again.

“Ben…”

“He always wanted cars to go _faster_. I don’t know where he found it. He showed up with it one day and told me that he was going to make this the best damned car he could give his son.” There’s a quiet sort of bitterness behind the words. “Dammit, Rey, I don’t want to talk about him.” He runs one of his hands through his hair again and she realizes that it’s something he does when he’s uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to.”

He watches her for a moment. “Thank you,” he finally says. “Now, go spend some time cozying up to the engine. It might appreciate a little bit of love.”

“You said you did some of it?”

“I lightened the load, replaced a few things here and there to bring the weight down.”

“You like fast cars too,” she surmises. There’s a quiet sort of strength about him, a little bitter, a little sarcastic, but she wonders how much of the father he lost is really in him.

He makes a small huffing noise. “I do,” he concedes.

“Me too,” she admits.

“Do you now?”

She bites her lip and is surprised to see his eyes shoot down to her lips and back up to her eyes. “I…” She clears her throat, can feel her own cheeks heat. “I do.”

“Hmmm,” is all he says and he looks back down at the engine. “I suppose I should have expected that. You don’t become an automotive engineer by being interested in the latest boring mini-vans.”

“Exactly,” she says with a grin. She debates for a moment opening up her mouth and asking what she really desperately wants to ask. She can’t say it hasn’t crossed her mind since she first laid eyes on the sleek TIE, since she first sat down and heard the way the engine purred, the way it felt as it sped up. And then she does it. She just _asks_. “Can I drive it?”

His eyes shoot back to hers, eyebrows up. “Can you drive stick?”

Her first reaction is to glance down his body. _I could drive_ that _stick_. She hopes the thought isn’t apparent and she looks away from him. He’s watching her, far too intently really.

Her second reaction is to roll her eyes at him. “I’m a _mechanic_ , Ben. I’m studying automotive engineering. Remember?”

“That doesn’t…”

“God, you sound just like Poe,” she mutters.

“He can’t drive stick,” Ben shoots back with.

“Finn…” she starts to say and then clamps her mouth shut. _Finn would beg to differ_.

Ben licks his lips and she can’t help but follow his tongue as he does so. And then he leans closer to her. “Finn…?” There’s a question behind the words and _fuck_ , she could kick herself for that near screw-up. _You’re not very good at this, Rey_.

“Finn can drive stick.”

“I’ll just bet he can.” The words are dryly sarcastic and she _wants_ to laugh. She gets Ben on some level. His sarcasm definitely makes sense, even if his bitter view of the world doesn’t gel with hers.

“So can I?”

He blinks and there’s a furrow between his eyes. “Can you?”

“Drive your…” _stick_ … “…car?” She cringes at the little pause in her words.

He studies her for a moment, eyes dark and unreadable. And then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys, tossing them to her. She catches them easily and his eyebrows rise. “Ok you passed that test.”

“Test?”

“Reflexes.”

“Right.”

“Come on then. You can get us home. I’ll give you the directions.”

She rushes at him then. She’s not even thinking when she does it, just rushes at him and wraps her arms around him. He’s absolutely stiff at first, not moving a muscle as she hugs him. Something tells her Ben Solo isn’t much of a hugger. But _fuck_ his body feels nice. Big and strong and when he finally does wrap his arms around her, even for the brief second they’re there, she feels _good_ standing there pressed up against him.

_Fuck_.

_Really should not have done that_.

“Let’s go!” she says and pushes back from him, diving for the driver’s side of the car before he can protest.

Ben follows more slowly, and when she glances over at him, he’s watching her with a rather indulgent smile on his face. It softens the sharp lines of his face and she finds that she likes it. Maybe a little more than she should, all things considered.

* * *

“Slow down!”

“I can’t hear you!” Rey shouts back. She’s pushing 80. She knows it’s way too fast but _fuck_ the car is as amazing as thought it would be. Maybe more so. It handles like nothing she’s ever driven, taking turns with a responsiveness she’s never experienced before. It can go from zero to 60 in just a couple seconds. She knows because she’s pushed it.

“Rey!”

She can barely hear Ben over the screaming heavy metal music she’s put on. Well, that _he_ has put on really. It was his music, not usually her kind of thing, but it seems to fit the car. And Ben, really, if she thinks about it. But she’s the one who cranked the volume on it, letting it take her faster and faster down the highway.

“Rey!” He reaches over and turns the music off and her ears are still ringing in the silence when he speaks again. “Slow. Down.” He means it, she realizes, and she can feel him staring at her, can see his hand white-knuckled on the dashboard.

She’s not sure if he’s angry. Or scared.

She slows down and gives him a sheepish look. “Sorry?”

As they come back down to a more normal speed, she can see him visibly relax, leaning back against the seat. “Ok, you can handle the car. I’ve got it.”

“I wasn’t trying to prove anything.”

“No?”

“No. It’s just…”

“This is our exit,” he interrupts with and she sees the sign for one mile to the exit that will take them back to Poe’s parent’s house. Back to her fake relationship, back to the charade.

She really doesn’t want to go back. She’s been having way too much fun and the guilt is starting to eat her alive. She wants to tell Ben the truth, take him to her room and do _things_ with him that make her blush just to think about it.

“I really wasn’t trying to prove anything,” she says instead. “I just…I don’t have a car like this. I’ll _never_ have a car like this. Mine’s this old beater. It has close to 200 thousand miles on it and I’ve done my best to keep it going, but it’s still just this rusted out old piece of junk that’s held together by duct tape and shoe strings.” She can’t help the sadness that creeps into her voice.

They’re making their way slowly through the neighborhoods and she really doesn’t want to stop. She just wants to keep driving, really let the engine rip, disappear to someplace. Maybe with Ben.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that…well, I guess that’s what someone says right? When they feel bad and don’t know what else to say?”

He points her down a couple more streets and then they’re finally pulling into the driveway. When she turns the car off and hits the parking break, neither of them make a move to get out of the car. “I had a good time today”. Maybe it’s admitting more than she should.

Ben says nothing and she turns to look at him. There’s this _look_ on his face. She can’t define it. Half pain, half something else. He shuts his eyes tight for a moment and then opens them, meeting her eyes. “I did too.” His voice is soft.

“You’re really not the asshole Poe said you were.” She doesn’t even know why she says it. The words just slip out and she’s so afraid she’s offended him.

But no, one side of his mouth quirks up and _that_ does funny things to her heart. “Is that what he says about me?”

She shrugs. “He tried to warn me away from you.”

“I guess he should have warned me away too. Not that it would have worked.” His cheeks color at the words and for the first time, Rey starts to wonder if Ben isn’t feeling some of what _she_ is feeling. “You really are too good for Poe, you know.” The words are quiet and for a moment, she wonders if she misheard them.

She doesn’t have time to contemplate it, time to ask anything, because Ben pushes open the door of the car and is out and stalking toward the door before she can even formulate a response.

“Darling!” comes Poe’s voice as she gets out of the car and she cringes. “You guys were gone forever.” And there’s a spark of something there behind the words. Worry, curiosity, and something she can’t quite define.

“You’re not easy to shop for,” she points out as he pulls her into a hug. Over his shoulder, she sees Ben watching them and she’s not sure if she should return the hug, keep up the charade, or push him away. She wants to hug _Ben_ again, feel all those hard muscles pressed up against her. But instead she wraps her arms briefly around Poe and then pulls back.

“I can’t be _that_ hard, peach.”

She rolls her eyes and leans close to him. “Poe, we need to talk.”

“Uh oh,” he says, a bit of mischief in his eyes. “The words no man wants to hear from his girlfriend.”

She punches him lightly on the arm. “I’m serious. You and Finn. Now. We need to talk.”

Poe watches her for a moment and then bows slightly, holding out one hand to direct her back to the house. “After you then, my dear.”

She rushes into the house, dropping the keys in Ben’s outstretched hand as she walks by. Their eyes meet as they do and then his eyes flit to Poe and she watches the whole expression on his face tighten and close up.

She really _really_ cannot keep doing this.


	9. The Conversation, Part 3

“What’s wrong?” Finn asks as soon as the door is shut behind the three of them.

Rey ignores him. Really, this is between her and Poe. Finn is on the periphery of it certainly, but this was a deal between her and Poe and no one else. She rounds on Poe. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Poe stares at her for a moment, a furrow between his brow before understanding seems to dawn in the slow way his mouth opens and closes and the way he blinks once or twice. “What do you mean?”

“I mean this needs to end. This ‘relationshp’ needs to end.” She _hates_ air quotes. She uses them anyway. “We need to come clean.”

And Poe looks absolutely panicked, his eyes flitting from Rey to Finn and back again. Finn looks worried. This will all come down hard on his shoulders if she comes clean about it. “No. Wait, Rey. Why?”

She sighs, bites her lip.

“Oh God,” Poe says. “This is about Ben.”

“I like him,” Rey admits. And that’s the truth. It’s not just that she finds him attractive. She likes _him_. His sarcasm, his ridiculous snark, even his bitterness at the world. The latter she understands. She’s generally a sunny person, or tries to be at least. But there’s still this thread of bitterness that runs through her life, coming to the forefront every time someone talks about family. Even here, seeing Poe’s parents and the lies they’re telling, make her wish she even _had_ parents to lie to. It’s a bitter pill she’s had to learn to swallow over the years.

Poe sits down and runs his hands through his hair, a gesture she’s come to associate with Ben. It seems somehow out of place here, but she can see in that moment at least a bit of a resemblance between the cousins. “Look, maybe you could just jump him and get him to swear not to tell anyone?”

“ _Poe_.” She hisses the word at him.

“We’ve managed to be discreet, peanut,” Finn says.

“Hardly,” she tosses at him. “Do you think anyone really bought your ‘we fell down the ravine’ story?”

Finn has the good graces to look at least a little embarrassed.

“Look, Poe. This isn’t about wanting to jump him.” Poe starts to say something and she holds up her hand. “I admit it started that way. But it’s _more_ than that. I want to get to know him better. And I can’t if your family thinks I’m dating _you_.”

Poe looks a bit like he’s been left staring into the lights of an oncoming train. His eyes are wide open but it’s like he’s not seeing anything. “Wow,” he finally manages to get out. “Ben, really? Ben Solo? My asshole cousin?”

“He hasn’t been an asshole to me,” she says softly. “He took me to this lovely town and we met his aunt...”

Poe blinks then and shakes his head. “He took you to meet Maz?”

“In a way, I guess.”

“That explains why you were gone so long,” Poe mutters to himself.

“Who’s Maz?” Finn asks, looking back and forth between them.

“She’s the only bit of family Ben will talk to. She’s not _really_ family,” Poe points out. “But she’s as close as Ben gets to family. He never takes anyone to meet Maz.”

“That’s what she said.”

“You didn’t tell her you were dating me, did you?”

Rey cringes. “She laughed. I mean, _really_ laughed. I thought she was going to have a coronary.”

“She knows.”

“Everyone knows, Poe.” Rey can’t help the exasperation that creeps into her voice.

“No, I mean, I’ve talked to her about it before. She…um…” His face turns bright red.

“Oh, this oughtta be good,” Finn says, leaning forward to take Poe’s hand. “Come on, Poe. Spill it. What exactly did Maz do?”

“Look, you don’t know Maz. She was the kind of lady who was open to anything. When I told her I was gay, in _high school_ , mind you, she just took one look at me and said ‘of course you are’ like she’d always known it. So when I had a boyfriend…”

“Mr. Johnson?” Finn says with a grin and Rey high-fives him, just a little bit of spite there.

“ _No_ ,” Poe says with a grimace. “I never slept with him. There was this other kid. I _know_ I told you about him, Finn. My first real relationship. I went to Maz. She gave me condoms. And lube.” He laughs at that. “I had no idea why at the time, but it made a hell of a lot more sense later. She was a no nonsense kind of lady. And she didn’t care that I was gay. She was a safe house when I felt safe nowhere.”

Rey can’t help but smile at that. She’s known that Poe felt the pressure at home to be straight, _normal_ as his parents would call it. Having someone like Maz must have meant a lot.

“I think Ben feels safe there too.” And she realizes the truth of the statement.

“Probably,” Poe confirms. “I think she was the only one who believed…” His voice trails off.

“I know about his father.”

Poe’s eyebrows shoot up. “Seriously? _No one_ knows about his father unless they were there. He told you?”

“I figured out some of it,” she admits. “But yes. He told me.”

“Wow.” Poe is quiet for a moment, then – “So you really like him?”

“I do.”

He nods at that and she glances over at Finn, who is looking increasingly worried. “Poe, if you come clean…”

“I know.” He reaches out a hand to take Finn’s, entwining their fingers for a moment before giving Rey a serious look. “Rey, _please_.”

“Poe…”

“I know this is hard for you. I know it is.” He sucks a deep breath, releases it. “I didn’t think it would be. I figured you could play the role and we’d sneak off while you got some alone time and everything would be just fine.”

“You didn’t count on Ben.”

“No one likes Ben,” he admits. “I didn’t think it would even matter. I’ve brought plenty of friends over when Ben’s been around and not one of them, male _or_ female, wanted to have more than a few minutes of conversation with him.”

“I know. He’s not easy to get along with. But Poe, I really do like him.”

“Just three more days, Rey,” Poe says. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and then we just have to get through Christmas. We leave the next morning. Hell, we can leave the afternoon of Christmas and stay in a hotel or get back really late or something. I don’t care. Just _please_...can you hang on until then?”

“Poe…”

“I’ll tell him myself, Rey,” Poe offers. “I’ll call him up on our way out of town and tell him where we are and tell him we were faking it the entire time.”

“Will he ever trust me if I don’t tell him myself?”

“I don’t know.”

“Poe.” And then she reaches out to put her hand over his. “Can you remember the last time any guy interested me?”

“Of course…” His eyes almost cross as he seems to think about it a moment longer. “No, actually. No I can’t.”

“So Poe, please…”

He sighs and she knows what he’s going to say before he even gets there. “You don’t know my parents. If we come clean, we’re going to be thrown out _now_ and it’s going to be ugly.”

She knows he’s right. There are tears in his eyes and Finn reaches out to grasp his hand tightly, offering the support that no one else can.

She really wants this to end. She just wants it over, so she can go to Ben with a clear conscience and tell him that she’s single and free and was never with his cousin and maybe he’d like to have his way with her but also go out on a real date someplace. But she knows it _can’t_ , not yet.

“Ok,” she finally says. Because what else can she say? This was all for Poe, she reminds herself. And it’s not his fault she has a thing for his cousin. It’s not like any of them could have foreseen this. She was warned, and warned _hard_ against him before she even met him. But he’s not exactly what Poe thought he was.

Poe breathes a sigh of relief and she watches as Finn leans slightly into him.

“But I need some time before we leave to talk to Ben so I can tell him the truth.”

“Wow,” Finn says. “You really like this guy.”

“I really do.” And there’s no lie there. There have been a lot of men she’s met during her life and most of them have had reactions to her being in automotive engineering school that ranged from complete disbelief to laughter to, in one case, his trying to show her how much more _he_ knew about cars. And then being humiliated when that turned out not to be the case.

But not Ben. No, he had offered to not only let her poke around in the engine of his TIE, but also let her _drive_ the car. He barely knew her and yet he trusted her to not destroy his beloved car.

He wasn’t like _them_.

“Alright here’s the deal,” Poe says after a moment. “We play this up, at least to some degree. I won’t really push it and I’ll let you sit near Ben and talk to him and whatever else you want to do. We don’t tell anyone and if my mother says anything, we smile and act like the lovey-dovey couple we aren’t.”

“Ok?”

“And on Christmas, Finn and I go pack up and you take Ben for a walk or something and tell him the truth and how you feel or whatever.”

She shivers a little at the last bit. Does she dare? Or does she just tell him that it’s all been a lie and see where it goes from there? Rey is not someone who is forward, really. Her relationships have been so few and far between. “I don’t know how to…”

“To tell him?”

“Well, I have the whole ‘I’m not Poe’s girlfriend’ thing down. I mean, I’m pretty sure he knows. Or at least, he knows you’re gay and thinks I’m an idiot or something who doesn’t realize that.”

“I don’t think he thinks that,” Poe says and a slightly guilty look flashes briefly across his face.

“No?”

“No. He cornered me yesterday.”

“You didn’t tell me this!” Rey practically shouts the words and Finn laughs.

“I didn’t have the time.”

“No? What happened?”

“You’d gone to bed already and Ben just shows up at our room. Practically threw the door open. I had to try to act like Finn and I hadn’t been…well…”

“Let’s not go there,” Finn says with a grimace.

“He comes in and gives me this _look_. Ben is always angry. I don’t know what you see in him.” Rey almost throws her hands up in the air at that. “Whatever…it doesn’t matter. He says something like ‘I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing here Dameron, but you’re really being unfair to Rey.’ I tried to protest.”

“I’m sure you did.” Rey can’t help the way the words come out, dry and rather unamused.

“I did!” She says nothing to his outburst and he finally goes on. “So Ben says ‘Look, I don’t know if you’ve got her convinced you’re straight or if you’re doing some sort of pretend thing for your parents’ sake, but either way, you’re being unfair to her.’ And then he slams out of the room.”

“He gave me a _look_ ,” Finns says with a shiver. “He knows about us.”

Rey shakes her head. “Ben is smarter than you think he is.”

“I never said he wasn’t smart,” Poe says, raising his hands. “I just thought we were better actors than that.”

“Maybe _you_ are, Poe. But I’m downright awful.” Acting was never her forte. She tried once, in a middle school play. It might have been the only time she’d been glad to be moved from one foster home to another.

And she’s pretty sure she didn’t manage to hide much from Ben today.

“Ok, so we have a deal?” Poe asks.

Rey just rolls her eyes. “Fine, Poe. Christmas Day. I can tell him. And you and Finn can escape unscathed.”

They shake on it. “You’re the best, Rey,” Poe says.

Finn rushes over to hug her. “You are, peanut. You really are.”

“And don’t you forget it.” She’s not likely to let them forget. Someday she’ll need a favor and they better be right there ready to grant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter has 100% more Ben!


	10. The Mistletoe

“A party?” Rey asks Shara at breakfast the next morning. “Poe didn’t tell me there was any sort of party.” She gives the man in question a panicked look.

“It’s not really a party,” Poe says quickly. “More of a gathering.”

“Oh yes,” Shara says and offers up a small laugh. “Just the family and a few friends. Ben’s Aunt Maz will be here, of course.”

“Of course,” Ben says, and now Rey turns her gaze on _him_. Maz, who thinks _they_ are the couple. Maz, who laughed at thought of her dating Poe. Maz, who is going to be there with her coke bottle glasses, watching _everything_.

“Great,” Rey mutters.

Ben leans closer to her and there’s a small smirk playing about his lips. “She’ll be drunk before eight.”

Rey’s not sure if this is a _good_ thing or a bad thing. She doesn’t know what Maz is like drunk, but she imagines she’s mouthy and has little inhibition. There’s just something about her that screams _danger danger danger_. And the way Ben is looking at her, with this strange spark in his eyes says he _knows_ it.

“Wonderful,” Rey says and tries to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

It’s going to be an unmitigated disaster. She can feel the impending doom even now.

* * *

And it is.

It totally is.

A complete and utter unmitigated disaster.

Oh, it didn’t start off that way. It started off with Rey sitting in a corner of the room chatting with Poe and Finn. They’d always had an easy camaraderie and even here, amidst all the stress and panic, they were easy to talk to. They keep their hands off each other and Poe even manages to sometimes reach out to touch _her_. He’s, if not completely convincing, at least competent at it.

Rey decides to just be herself. Well, a _herself_ that doesn’t touch the alcohol. The last thing she needs to do is have too much to drink and make some outrageous error that will spill everything. So she very carefully stays away from the alcohol that night.

It was easier to play act and drink when there wasn’t a _Ben_ to be worried about.

And then there’s _Ben._ He looks like nothing she’s ever seen. Dressed in a suit that fits him like it was made for him (come to think of it, it probably _was_ ), all black except for the white shirt. His aunt made him wear the white shirt, pointing out that _all black_ was not very Christmassy and can’t he at least _try_ to make himself look somewhat into the season.

It’s his only concession.

Well, that and the socks she can see peeking out from his shoes every once in awhile. Red with snowflakes if she’s not mistaken. A little bit of the Christmas spirit, hidden away from most people. When he catches her looking once, he pulls the pant leg up and gives her little half-smile that makes her heart flip.

_Damn him_.

But then Uncle Chewie arrives and he’s exactly what Poe said he was. He’s _huge_. Even Ben, who has to be at least six foot two, is dwarfed by the man. He wears his hair long, pulled back in a ponytail, and his beard is a massive bushy thing. He engulfs Rey in a huge hug but then gives her this _look_ when Poe calls her his girlfriend. He glances over at Ben and murmurs something like “Yes, Maz told me about you.”

And she’s not sure if Maz told him about her and _Ben_ or her and _Poe_ or all of it. “It’s so nice to meet you,” Rey says and tries to keep her voice as neutral as possible. She can feel this _tension_ building in her neck, the sort of ache that tells her she needs to find a good book or go for a run or do _something_ to relax.

Thankfully, he moves off after giving her another pat on the shoulder with one of his huge hands and Rey feels like she can breathe better. For a little bit at least.

“I still can’t believe Ben took you all the way out to Maz’s yesterday?” Poe says as Chewie heads off.

She just shrugs. It didn’t seem like such a big deal at the time.

“I don’t really get what the big deal with Maz is anyway,” Finn says after looking from one of them to the other.

“Maz is, like, the only ‘family’ that Ben regularly talks to outside of my parents. He comes down to visit Maz at least a few times a year. She’s…I don’t know. I can’t believe he took you out there.” Poe looks a little like a deer caught in the headlights as he stares at her and then Ben. “Maybe…” he starts to muse, but there’s no time for that.

Maz is there.

All four feet of her.

She makes a bee-line for Ben and even from a distance she can see how Ben turns red over something she says. Both of their eyes flit to her for a moment and she quickly looks away. Better to not be caught watching _them_. No, better to not be caught watching _him_ , if she wants to be honest.

She can see Maz break away from Ben and head toward her and she’s trying to figure out a way out of whatever is about to happen when she’s saved by the bell. Ok, not the _bell_. She’s saved by Chewie rushing forward and lifting Maz in his gigantic arms. The old lady gives a squeak but then hugs him back. “ _There’s_ my boyfriend,” Rey can hear her say into the mass of hair that’s Chewie.

She’s not sure if there’s any truth there.

She’s not sure if she _wants_ there to be any truth there. How would it even work? Chewie has to be at least seven feet tall and…

“I need to hit the restroom,” Poe says and Rey is thankful for the interruption to the train of her thoughts. She watches as he gives Finn a look and disappears.

Finn stays put. But Rey knows what he wants to do. She can see him practically vibrating. New love. There’s something special about it. They’ve been together for less than a year but they’re so _in love_ that it should sicken most people. But deep inside, Rey is a bit of a romantic. She won’t admit that one out loud, but when left to her own devices she does have a tendency to watch cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies and sigh over the ridiculous romance of it all.

“Go on then,” she says softly to Finn.

He glances over at her. “What, really?”

“Yes. I’ll cover for you.” He’s gone in a flash, giving her a quick hug before sneaking out of the room.

No one seems to notice.

Except one person.

Ben.

Of course. He’s watching them like a hawk in between fielding questions from Maz and bear hugs from Chewie. He notices _everything_ and she watches as his eyes follow Finn’s departure from the room. It doesn’t take him long to make his way over to her after that.

There’s a bit of a smirk on his face when he comes to stand at her side. “Where’s Poe?”

She sighs. “Bathroom. He’s been drinking like a fish.” He has, really. There’s no lie there. Poe loves his beer and his eggnog and there’s plenty of both to go around. She had taken one sip of the eggnog, which she was sure was more Rum than eggnog, and dumped her cup of it out in the kitchen when no one was looking. It’s not that she was against drinking. Hardly. She’d had her fair share of drinking way too much. But she’s trying to keep her wits about her.

It’s hard enough when Ben is so close and in that amazing suit of his.

“And Finn?”

“He wasn’t feeling well. Too much eggnog I think.” She gives him a rueful grin, but she’s sure, from the way he’s watching her, that he’s not buying it. Not at all.

“I see.”

“Yup. I’m sure he’ll recover in time. He usually does.”

“Finn is known for his drinking?”

She shrugs. “Actually, no. But when he _does_ , he tends to drink to excess.” Which is only partially true, really. He’s drunk to excess _once_. And that was when his first boyfriend broke up with him. He’d been despondent, carrying on about soulmates and how he’d never find anyone nearly as perfect. She figures she’s safer if she acts like this is pretty much par for the course with him.

“Ah,” is all Ben says.

“You don’t like them, do you?”

“I never said that.” But there’s a grimace to the set of his mouth and she knows he’s gone after them about her dating Poe.

He doesn’t have a chance to say something else, because from across the room, she sees Maz gesturing something at Chewie and then they both are looking at _her_. No, at her and _Ben_. She realizes she might be standing just a tad bit too close to him, but he takes up so much damned _space_ and she feels so drawn to him.

Poe might think he’s an asshole, but while he’s been sarcastic and his humor a little dark and sometimes twisted, he’s been beyond kind with her.

She takes a small step away anyway. Nothing too obvious, though when she glances at Ben, he’s watching her with one raised eyebrow.

It doesn’t matter though. Maz is making her way over toward them, Chewie at her heels. It’s like watching a Chihuahua and a big hairy Mastiff trying to push through a crowd. Rey wants to make her excuses, leave too. _Oh no, I think I’ve drunk too much_. But she glances down at the water she’s currently holding and realizes that no one would buy that.

She starts to consider it though (it’s Vodka, you see) when Maz gets close and she watches her _oh so carefully_ look up.

Chewie says something to her that sounds more like a grunt than words, but Maz turns to him and Rey hears her clearly. “It’s _tradition_.”

And she looks up again.

With a sigh, Rey glances up and… _Oh_.

_Oh no_.

That’s not good.

Not good at all.

_Fucking Maz_. She might be three sheets to the wind, but there’s still this shrewdness behind her gaze as she smiles up at Rey and Ben.

“It’s tradition, my dears,” Maz says kindly. Too kindly. There’s a small spark of amusement there behind those coke bottle glasses. “One cannot buck tradition. Not here.”

Chewie grunts something else and Maz shoots him a look.

“Aunt Maz,” Ben says and there’s a warning behind the words.

“Don’t you _Aunt Maz_ me, Benjamin.” She waggles a finger at him and despite her small stature and his, well, not so small stature, Rey feels like there might be an actual threat there. “Don’t forget who makes you those cookies you like so much.”

Rey can’t help but smirk as Ben holds up both his hands in surrender. “I didn’t take you for a cookie guy.”

He glances over at her. “I may have a small sweet tooth.”

“That explains that giant milkshake you had at Maz’s that you wouldn’t even let me have a sip of.” She’d pouted about that for at least five minutes at their lunch.

“Right.”

She glances back at Maz and the woman is _smiling_ and it’s frankly pretty frightening. Her teeth are almost bared in her mirth. “You two.” She shakes her head and Rey’s pretty sure she mutters something about Poe, but she can’t quite make out the words. “You do realize where you’re standing, right?”

“In the living room?” Rey asks and looks over at Ben.

Ben who’s face is strangely red all of a sudden. “Maz, _don’t_.”

“But it’s tradition, my boy!” She practically cackles with the word and Rey is starting to wonder if she owns a cauldron and a pointy hat.

“ _Maz_.”

“Are you a Solo, boy or are you not?”

“I’d like to pretend I’m not,” he shoots back with. Rey can’t imagine _not_ wanting to be a Solo. Han was, for all she’s heard, an amazingly talented driver and mechanic. The things she could have learned from him. But he was equally reckless. Ben seems to not have inherited that trait. He seems…staid, stable. There’s an anger and something that points to deep hurt behind his façade, but she’s sure that he is _not_ like the father who crashed his Falcon most spectacularly.

“Benjamin Solo, you will follow tradition.”

Rey feels her heart fall into her stomach. _God_ , does she want to kiss him. And there they are, standing beneath fucking _mistletoe_. It’s like some mischievous god who has nothing better to do is standing over them, tossing the _worst possible thing_ their way. And to top it off, the entire family is now watching.

Shara laughs. “Well, it _is_ tradition.”

“I’m sure Poe won’t mind,” Poe’s father says and then looks around the room. “Where _is_ Poe anyway?”

“Bathroom,” Rey and Ben say at the same time.

“Oh that boy,” Shara says with a laugh. “He used to spend hours in there with his comics.” Rey is pretty sure they weren’t _comics_. She’s seen the extensive collection of _Playgirl_ magazines from his teenage years. How he managed to hide them all those years from his parents is beyond her, but he had. And he’d brought them along with him to college and beyond. _Nostalgia_ he insists. Nostalgia and making sure his parents don’t stumble onto them. He may be almost 30, but there are some things he still can’t imagine ever telling his parents. _Maybe on their deathbeds_ , he admitted once. _I can’t hurt them that way. They’re good people in so many ways_. _It would kill them, Rey_.

“Yeah, those comics of his,” Rey offers up rather weakly.

“It’s unfair to Poe,” Ben says.

“Poe!” Maz is _laughing_ as she says the name. “I don’t think _Poe_ will even care. He’s too busy doing…” Ben slams a hand over her mouth. She’s starting to think this may be a common occurrence with them.

“He’s not _doing_ anything,” he growls at the older woman. Who is _still_ laughing. Chewie is laughing too. Because he probably knows about Poe, because who the fuck doesn’t know about Poe at this point?

_Oh fuck_.

_Fine then_.

Rey puts a hand on Ben’s arm. “It’s not big deal.” _It’s a huge fucking deal_. “Maybe they’ll shut up if we give them what they want.”

Ben doesn’t pull away from her. There’s that much at least. But he’s staring down at her with wide eyes and his mouth half open. “Rey,” he starts to say.

“Come on,” she says with a half-smirk. “I dare you.” Let him think it’s nothing. Let him think it’s just a stupid kiss between him and his cousin’s girlfriend. She can do this, right? It’s not like she hasn’t kissed someone before. She can do this. One quick kiss and then they can be all embarrassed and everyone can laugh and they can move away from the damned mistletoe.

And it’ll all be over.

She hates being the center of attention.

“You’re going to dare me?” And now he _is_ smiling. “I can…” He sucks in a breath and she watches the way his Adam’s apple bobs and she realizes he’s _nervous_. “I can do this.”

Rey turns toward him and puts her hand on his shoulder, going up on her tiptoes because he’s a goddamn _tree_. Even then she can’t reach his lips easily, so he dips down toward her.

They’re just a few inches apart and she can feel his breath fan out over her face. “Ben?” she whispers as she meets his eyes from far too close. His eyes search hers for a moment, his hand coming up to cup her face. She likes the feel of it there, large and warm and secure against her.

When he finally does lean the rest of the way down to press his lips against hers, it’s like something sparks inside her, a fire that’s lit. Her lips part beneath his in a small gasp of surprise and for a moment she forgets herself. Forgets Poe. Forgets the room and his parents and Maz and Chewie. Her hand comes up to tangle in his hair and she swipes her tongue across the seam of his lips.

He stiffens, the shoulder that one hand is still balanced on tensing up just a moment before he pushes back from her. She rocks back to her feet, staring at him. His eyes look a little wild, a little haunted.

“What’s going on?” she hears Poe’s voice come from across the room and she cringes. She turns to look at him and _dammit_ this was not what was supposed to happen.

“Nothing,” she says quickly and offers up a small laugh that sounds fake even to her ears. “Mistletoe tradition.” She cringes inwardly at that. It was so much more than that. That spark, her pushing the kiss to something _real_. _Fuck fuck fuck_.

She turns back to Ben to try to offer up something, anything, she doesn’t even know what.

But he’s gone.

_Well, fuck…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone for all the comments and kudos and subscriptions! I know a lot of folks have had issues with Poe and Finn and Rey's not telling Ben right away and I am sorry for that. But...where's the fun in THAT? lol Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	11. The Confession

Ben never returns to the party. She’s left there to pretend-laugh about the stupid mistletoe kiss with Poe’s parents. And she’s left with a Poe who is pretending to pout over the fact that she kissed his cousin.

In reality, he pulls her aside and down the hall shortly after Ben disappears. Poe’s jealous, of course. Or at least, that’s what his mother must think. Rey meets her eyes as she follows Poe out of the room and feels bad at how worried she looks.

But of course, that’s not it at all. “Are you ok?” Poe asks as soon as they’re out of earshot.

“I’m fine. It’s Ben I’m worried about.” She’s still dazed. She’s been kissed before. She’s even initiated kisses with a couple guys. But she’s never been forced to kiss the cousin of the man she’s fake dating in front of his family and _almost_ had it turn into one big make-out fest. Because _oh_ , did she want to take it further. She knew she would if she got a chance to kiss him. _Tradition_ , her ass. She wanted to kiss the bastard and she’d done it.

And now they were going to pay for it. She just knows it. No one could miss the dazed look on her face, the way Ben had allowed her to take it just a little too far before backing away.

Fucking unmitigated disaster indeed.

“Me too,” Poe says in response. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I thought he was a 29-year-old virgin. Look, you don’t know Ben.”

“I’m getting to.”

Poe gives her a look. “He didn’t date in high school. _Ever_. He was this gangly, geeky guy with anger issues and huge ears. We’ve kept in touch over the years and he’s never mentioned anyone. I’ve followed him on a few social media networks and while I can’t say he’s ever complained about being single, every time the question of his having a girlfriend comes up, he responds with something that changes the conversation or laughs the whole thing off. I’m not even sure he’s kissed someone before.”

“Surely…”

“I’m serious.”

“There you are!” comes another voice and Rey and Poe turn around, wearing similar guilty expressions. Poe’s father is standing in the doorway. “Party’s almost over kids and it’s time to clean up. We have to get ready for the midnight service.”

“Right, of course Dad. We’ll be right there.”

His father turns to leave and Rey reaches out and grabs his arm. “ _Church_?”

“Oops,” Poe responds with.

* * *

Church, as it turns out, is a non-affair. Everything is so scripted that all she has to do is follow along with the handout they give her. The Christmas tunes are familiar and since she doesn’t go to their church, she’s not expected to know all their customs.

She can certainly sing off-key with the best of them,

Ben doesn’t come with them. Shara had knocked on his door shortly before they left and returned with a displeased look on her fact that told them all they needed to know. “That boy,” is all she says to Poe’s father and the two shake their heads.

She’s glad she chose to go instead of telling them that no thanks, she’d rather just stay home. And she’d contemplated it, just to give herself a chance to maybe talk to Ben. Not that she has any idea what to say.

When the service is over, she shakes hands with others in the parish, wishing everyone a very merry Christmas. The family comes home to sit around the table and share what they’re thankful for this Christmas. It’s a sweet tradition, something they do every year, and many of them have lists of things they want to mention.

Rey has little, but she at least comes up with something. She’s truly is thankful for having a family to spend the holiday with, even if it’s under these false circumstances.

And then they’re all off to bed with amused warnings of not opening presents until after breakfast and no one better wake them up earlier than seven. As if they’re all children. Poe tells the story of the time he set all of the clocks ahead two hours and woke his parents up at four in the morning. It wasn’t until all the presents were open and his parents didn’t understand why, at nearly seven, the sun wasn’t up, that he was discovered.

It’s a good laugh.

They’re _good_ people.

She crawls into bed that night with a lighter heart, but still so much worry. She has to do something about Ben.

* * *

She wakes up sometime in the middle of the night. She’s been tossing and turning, the kiss playing over and over in her mind and she can’t get the look on Ben’s face out of her mind. Half betrayal, half confusion, maybe more than a dash of arousal. His pupils had been blown wide and his lips had been parted. She’s sure she must have looked the same. Which must have been so confusing for him.

_You can’t do this anymore_.

She’s been saying that.

But no one is listening. Poe begs and she concedes. Finn gives her those puppy dog looks that have always gotten him what he wants and she caves.

She’s out of her bed and on her feet before she can think of what she’s doing. She creeps out into the hallway, closing the door softly behind her. It’s not that she hasn’t gone out in the middle of the night before. There’s no bathroom attached to the guest room after all, so it’s not unusual to find her up in the middle of the night just for that reason alone.

But this is different.

She’s terrified of being caught. Because this is a huge risk. If Ben _doesn’t_ feel the same way, if the attraction she’s sure she’s seen lurking in the looks he’s given her isn’t really there, then she’s about to make a big fucking fool of herself. And worse, she’s about to jeopardize the whole ruse she’s created with Poe.

Ben’s room is just a few doors down from hers, separated by the upstairs bathroom and a closet. She stops just outside the door, unsure of what her next move should be. She can’t knock. That’s likely to bring attention to what she’s doing.

Does she dare just open the door and go in?

She tries the knob.

It turns in her hand. People are far more trusting in these small towns than the big cities she grew up in. There she had to protect everything that was hers and she’d never _ever_ leave the door unlocked at night. There were foster siblings who terrified her and one particular foster father who looked at her in ways that made her uncomfortable. He’d never tried anything, but the worry was there nonetheless.

The door slides open, thankfully without so much as a tiny creak. The room beyond is dark, but in the light from the hallway, she can see Ben curled up in his bed, one long arm thrown out to the side, hanging off the side of the bed, the rest of him twisted up in the sheets. And then she shuts the door behind her, leaving her in near-complete darkness. She lets her eyes adjust as best she can. The curtains are dark, but the bright moon allows at least a little bit of light in.

Creeping forward, she comes to stand near his bed. “Ben?” she whispers.

There’s no movement from the man on the bed and she studies him in the dark. There’s not much she can see, just the dark hair fanning out over the pillow, his pale profile with his prominent nose and dark eyebrows.

“Ben?” she says a little louder.

He twitches and his body twists toward her. It’s too dark to see his eyes, but he stiffens slightly and she knows he has seen her. “Rey?” His voice is groggy, still full of sleep. “What are you doing here?”

_What indeed?_

_You’re here now, Rey. There’s no hiding it anymore_.

She kneels at the side of his bed so her face is on the same level as his. “I’m not dating Poe,” she says without any preamble.

That gets his attention. He sits up then and Rey falls back from the bed a little. He’s not wearing a shirt and her eyes can’t help but flit down to the firm muscles of his smooth chest before he grabs the sheet and wraps it around himself. “I’m sorry…could…could you repeat that?”

She does, the words a little stronger, more confident.

“You broke up?”

“We were never together.”

“I see,” is all he says and she’s not sure he does.

“It was a ruse…”

“So I was right.” His voice is flat.

“About Poe?”

“And Finn.”

She pauses before she responds, but really, in for a penny, in for a pound. It was obvious anyway. “Yes.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, but she can feel his gaze on her. “Why are you telling me this?” Those words are whispered, barely audible. Rey has to lean forward to make them out.

“The kiss…” she starts with, but he cuts her off.

“Was meaningless.” There’s more than bitterness behind the words. There’s just a bit of anger there.

“I didn’t think it was.” Her voice is small. She was so sure. She’d seen his reaction in the moments before she’d been forced to turn from him.

“No?” He moves then, putting his feet on the ground. The sheet is still clutched to his chest, but she can see most of one long leg. She’s not even sure he’s wearing anything and she _really_ has to force herself to stay put and not stand up and straddle him like she wants to. _God, Rey, when did you turn into such a wanton?_

“No,” she says.

“Did you know it was my first?”

That leaves her momentarily stunned. “Your first…”

“Kiss, yes. From my cousin’s cheating…”

“I wasn’t cheating. I’m not a cheater.” She stands then and looks down at him. “I would never…”

“Rey,” he says, letting her name hang in the air, cutting off anything further that she might have said. He runs his hands through his hair and she can see the tension in his shoulders, the cords of his neck. This is not going the way she thought it would.

_Of course it’s not_. He’s so completely confused and angry and _lost_ and what did she expect? For him to grab her and pull her onto the bed and have his way with her? Forget about all the lies and deception and the singing of Poe’s praises she’s been doing?

“Ben…”

“Why are you here?”

“I told you.”

“No. I want to know it all. Why did you come here with Poe? Why all this deception? Why are you _here_ , in my room, in the middle of the fucking night?”

“You don’t want much, do you?” She tries to keep the tone light, but a little bit of the panic she’s feeling creeps into it.

“I want _everything_.” And his voice is heavy with some sort of meaning she can’t quite decipher.

“Can I sit? This is going to take awhile.” He scoots over on the bed and lets her join him there. Not _quite_ the way she envisioned getting into his bed, but for now she’ll take it. She doesn’t sit too close though and she’s not surprised when she sits and the bed dips slightly, to feel Ben shift away from her.

With a sigh, she starts the story. Everything from Poe’s fear of his parents to wanting to spend the holidays with his boyfriend who he is very much in love with and yet not disappointing his parents. “I’m basically Finn’s sister. So we used that as the excuse to bring him along. Finn and Poe sneak off for some ‘manly’ adventure and I, the oh so feminine girlfriend, stay behind.”

Ben snorts at that and she scoots a little closer, nudging him with her shoulder.

“So Aunt Shara and Uncle Kes don’t know about your love of cars then.”

“Not a bit,” she admits. She doesn’t know how they’d react to her being into something so _boyish_. She really doesn’t know them at all if she’s going to be honest, hasn’t taken the time _to_ get to know them as a good girlfriend probably should. But they don’t seem to be holding that against her.

“Hmmm,” he says in reaction.

They both fall silent. She’s not sure what else to tell him at this point. She’s spilled her guts, given him all the painful truth of Poe’s situation and how she’s ended up where she is. She’s done everything but confess that she’d like to jump his bones.

“So the kiss…” He voice trails off.

“Yes?”

“You…” He clears his throat. “That wasn’t…that is…”

“I wanted to,” she admits. “I wanted to kiss you long before that, really.”

“When?” He sounds almost eager, the word coming out in a rush.

She lets out a soft laugh. “Back during the whole car thing.”

“You hugged me.”

“I did. I wanted to do more.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Really.” She scoots a little closer to him, turning to meet his eyes. “I still would.”

She can’t quite see his eyes in the darkness but something tells her he’s watching her carefully. He moves a little closer to her, leaning down a little. One of his hands comes up to lightly run along her cheek, her chin. He pushes her hair back from her face, gently tugging at the strands, fingers tangling in them. “I… _Fuck_ ,” he mutters.

“Would you like to kiss me?”

“Fuck yes,” he says and she can’t help but laugh. He starts to pull back, just a little, and she reaches out to grasp his hands, pull him back toward her.

“I’m not laughing at you. I feel the same.”

“I don’t even know how to start,” he admits. “God, I feel fucking stupid saying that. Did you know that? About me?”

“Know what?”

“That I’ve never…”

“Poe suspected.”

He lets out an annoyed huff at that. “Of course he did. Poe, always the center of attention. He got more girls in high school than anyone else, and he was _gay_. All the girls loved him. They only got close to me to see if they could get me to introduce them to _Poe_.” There’s bitterness behind those words.

“Well, funny thing,” Rey says. “I’d rather do the opposite.”

“Poe not your type?”

“Besides the fact that he’s gay?”

“Besides that…”

“No. He’s not. I mean, he’s handsome.” She reaches out a hand to touch him lightly on the shoulder. “Runs in the family, apparently. But that arrogance? Fuck. No, it’s not attractive at _all_.”

“So you prefer completely clueless?”

“How about we make you _less_ clueless?” She’s not entirely sure what she’s offering. Well, no, that’s not true. She’s offering whatever he wants. A kiss, some heavy petting, sex. She’d even snuck into Poe’s room earlier that day and swiped a condom. Just in case.

She’d like to use it.

She’s not sure he’ll want to.

“That…uh…that sounds good.”

And Rey can’t help but grin. _Finally._


	12. Middle of the Night Shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the terrible cliff-hanger! Hopefully this remedies it!

She’s not used to being the aggressor, but she shifts position suddenly, coming up on her knees and facing him. Her hands grasp either side of his face. “You’re sure of this?”

“Yes.” She’s surprised at just how firm the word is.

And then she kisses him. It’s different this time, with no one looking on, no feeling of getting caught, of others seeing her feelings on the surface. Here it no longer matters. She can throw herself into the kiss, and this time when she swipes her tongue across the seam of his lips, he _responds_.

His mouth opens on a soft groan and then his tongue is touching hers and there’s the soft slide of tongues and warm heat of their mouths as they meld together. Her hands come up to properly tangle in all that glorious hair of his and it’s just as thick and soft as it looks. She had wondered, for a time at least, if he had somehow styled it with some sort of product. It looks so perfectly and artlessly tousled.

But no. There’s no product. His hair is just that perfect.

She won’t let the jealousy get the better of her, so instead deepens the kiss, nipping at his lower lip and reveling in the tiny, amazed sounds he’s making. When she pulls away, he groans. “Shhh,” she says, putting a finger to those generous lips of his. “We have to be quiet.”

It’s a stark reminder of just what’s on the line.

If they’re caught…

Well, there’s no use thinking about that.

Not right now.

He doesn’t say anything, instead pulling her back in for another kiss. And then he’s trailing kisses down her jaw, pressing one to the underside of her jaw, and nipping at her neck.

“Oh fuck,” Rey says and she has to clamp a hand over her mouth. He’s a fast learner, the bastard.

“Shhh,” he says and she can feel the smile against her neck. “Is this ok?”

“God, yes.”

“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain,” he says and then has the gall to _laugh_. He returns to her neck, biting and then laving it with his tongue and just how the fuck did he know to do _that_? She has no idea she says it out loud until he responds to the thought. “I might have done some research. You know, just in case…” He sounds almost embarrassed.

What guy _researches_ sex? Apparently the nerdy loner with a body of steel and nothing better to do.

She’s never been so thankful in her life. “You’re such a nerd.”

“I’ve been told that before.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” she says, her hand tracing down his neck, across his pecs and to the abs that she cannot _believe_ this man has. _Jesus fucking Christ._ He’s ripped and she wants to ask what he does to maintain a body like that but that seems entirely unimportant at the moment. Instead, she pushes the blanket away from him. And _fuck_ she’s really going to have to try this again in the light. She wants to _see_ him.

But since she can’t, no sense in waiting for anything. She shifts then and straddles him, her legs coming down on either side of bare legs. He’s not naked, she realizes. But he’s wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers. She can feel the hard length of him pressing up against her through the thin pajamas she’s wearing.

“Fuck, Rey,” he mutters.

“That’s the plan,” she says as she kisses him again, grinding down onto him.

“I can’t…”

She pulls herself up. “Sorry. First time, right?”

“Right. Unless you want this all over with before it begins, maybe doing that isn’t such a good idea?”

“Probably not.” But just for good measure, she grinds against him one more time, and is rewarded with a lovely far too loud groan.

“Shhh,” they both say and then laugh. Laughter is good. She likes this. She can’t remember ever laughing during sex before. It was either a pathetically quick fuck that left her unsatisfied or, there was that one time when he insisted it was _meaningful_ and she wasn’t allowed to enjoy it. She had to be _serious_ the whole time.

He kisses her again and his hands trace down the side of her arms. “Can I?” he asks, reaching down to toy with the edges of her pajama top.

She doesn’t wait for him, instead, reaching down and pulling the top off herself. She flings it across the room somewhere and cringes when she hears it topple something over. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea.

His hands as they come up to cup her breasts are shaking just a little and she puts hers over his, steadying him, moving one thumb to her nipple and allowing him to explore there. She wants to apologize for them, for how small they are. His hands dwarf her. They’re ridiculously large around her, her breasts less than a handful for someone with hands like his. But then he leans his head down and there’s a ghosting of his breath across one hard peak.

And then he wraps his lips around her nipple, sucking it into his mouth. She starts to moan at the sensation, clamping her teeth down on her bottom lip to stop it before she gets too loud.

To be honest, she doesn’t know if she’s a loud lover. She doesn’t know if she screams as she comes, if she’s the type to moan loudly or talk dirty. Everything she’s done so far has been entirely faked. It’s perhaps the saddest thing of her life. She has _some_ experience, but it’s all just been _bad_.

This is not bad.

This is amazing.

Thank fucking God for research nerds.

He nibbles at her and she wonders just how she was supposed to help _him_ be the non-clueless one again. It’s crazy how well he seems to read her, like he was somehow made just to please her. It’s glorious and she loves the way he thumbs at one nipple while his mouth teases the other.

She could almost come just from that alone.

“Fuck,” he says as she tugs at his hair and pulls his mouth back up to hers.

And then he moves suddenly, grabbing her tightly and twisting, turning her so she’s flat on her back on his bed and he’s above her.

“God, I want to _see_ you,” he mutters.

“Next time.” She’s still a little breathless from the way he took charge of the situation. “The light…”

“Right.” They’ll see it. And if someone thinks he’s awake and decides to visit, well, that wouldn’t go so well. Not for him or for her and _certainly_ not for Poe. And while maybe this situation has gotten crazy out of control, she loves her friends. She doesn’t want to cause strife for them.

He leans down and she can feel his hair brush across her skin as he takes one of her nipples into his mouth again. “Is this ok?” he asks around it and she laughs at the feel of his breath across her, the hum of his words near her skin.

“More than ok,” she just barely gets out.

“Good.” And he continues.

“Aren’t I supposed to be teaching you?”

He releases the nipple he’s been suckling with a pop. “Who says I need a teacher?”

“Cheeky,” she says with a laugh. He runs his face across her stomach, nuzzling at her with his long nose, occasionally biting lightly or pressing open-mouthed kisses to the skin he finds there.

He stops his ministrations when he gets to the waistband of her pants. She can see his face turned up toward her in the darkness. And then he tugs at the band with his teeth, pulling it slightly away from her skin. His teeth scrape her belly as he does it and she can’t help the little shudder that passes through her.

He releases the pants. “You like this?”

She can’t even get words out, instead reaching out a hand to tangle in his hair, brushing it back from his forehead. “Ben?” she finally says.

“Yeah?”

“Are we…” She pauses, not sure what she means to say exactly.

He slides up next to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in close. Her head comes to rest on his bare chest and she can’t help running her hand over the smooth muscles there. He’s so _strong_. And gorgeous. She still can’t understand how all of this is a _first_ for him. “You need to share with me your workout routine,” she mutters.

He doesn’t respond, just tightens his hold on her a little.

He’s waiting, she realizes. Waiting for her to say whatever it is she intended to say. Waiting for whatever step they’re going to take next. It hasn’t gone too far yet, hasn’t tipped over into that place of _where do we go from here_. And she wants it to. Wants it desperately. Wants to feel him over her and inside her and to know he’s _hers_.

It scares her.

Just a little.

“Do you…I mean…how far do you want this to go?” She cringes at the words. That’s not quite how she wanted it to come out.

“You mean, do I want to lose my virginity to you?”

He’s honest at least, which is more than she can say for herself over the past few days. “Yeah. I guess that’s what I’m asking. That’s kind of a big deal?”

“It can be. If you want it to be.” And she’s almost sure she hears something _hopeful_ in those words.

“So this isn’t just a ‘I finally get to lose it’ thing?” She means it to come out as a joke, but he doesn’t respond right away and she can feel the humor drain right out of her. _Oh god, what if it is?_

He pulls away a little and tilts her head up toward him. “Did you think that?” She doesn’t know what to say. “Rey,” he says, and she _likes_ the way her name sounds in his low husky voice. “I’m almost 30. I may not be the most attractive guy out there,” ( _you’re wrong on that_ , she wants to interrupt with), “but I’m sure I could have found _someone_ to fuck if that’s all I wanted. But that’s not me. It never has been. Really, _this_ isn’t me. I don’t usually feel any sort of attraction to someone I don’t know that well.”

“Me neither,” she interrupts with. “I tried.” She’ll admit that much at least. She’d had a couple one-night stands. They were horrible and it didn’t take her long to realize that sexual attraction was not something that just _happened_ for her. For a little while, she started to wonder if she even felt it, but there had been a couple friends through the years that she’d been interested in and felt attracted to.

And then there was Ben.

“It just never worked for me. Why is it happening with _us_ then?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “But it _is_. And no, this isn’t just a chance to lose it. I don’t care about that.” He tightens an arm on her. “I mean, I care about _this_. But just losing it? I’ve gone nearly 30 years without it. So it’s not like I’m _desperate_ to or anything.”

“Good,” she finally says. “Then let’s get on with it.”

“And there’s that cheekiness again.” But he _does_. Get on with it, that is. He’s kissing her before the smile can even disappear from her face, and she can feel him smiling against her. It’s messy, all teeth and tongues and laughter, but it feels good to wrap her arms around him and feel him come over her.

“Can I?” he says, fingering the waistband of her pajamas.

“God yes.” And then his hand is down her pajama bottoms. He softly runs his hand over the curls at the apex of her thighs and she spreads her legs, giving him some access to where she really wants those nice thick fingers.

He runs his finger down through the moisture that’s pooling there. “Ok, this is where I guess I need a teacher.” The last is said with a bit of a rueful sound to his voice. “Where…”

She first reaches down to shuck her pajama bottoms off. This is easier without them after all. And then she’s wonderfully naked next to him, spread out on his bed and it’s just glorious to have him there all attentive to her every need.

“Here,” she says, reaching out to take his hand in hers. She moves it down to where she needs him, taking one finger and pressing it lightly around her clit. “Light, but not too light.” She guides his hand, and even though it’s _her_ moving his hand, getting the pressure right, it’s still not _her_ finger and it feels lovely.

And then he takes over, experimenting a little. One finger, two, he teases around her clit without touching it. She spreads her legs apart and whines his name and he _laughs_.

“I showed you where…”

“I know,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to her temple as he continues to tease, occasionally hitting just the right spot, only to move away again.

He shifts then, pulls away from her and slides a little down the bed. With both hands free, he’s able to do _more_ , pressing her legs apart while he continues to tease her. And then he hits that spot, and swirls his finger around it in small circles. And he uses his other hand to insert a finger into her. And, “Oh _fuck_.” Her legs are shaking. There’s this tightening inside her, back arched off the bed, and the slick slide of his finger inside her and the other on her clit sends her right over the edge.

She’s not even aware she’s made any sort of noise until he pulls himself back up alongside her and kisses her hard, swallowing any other moan she can let out. “That was amazing,” he whispers as he pulls back from her.

She’s panting hard, trying to catch her breath.

“Yes,” she finally says. It’s all she can manage to get out.

He laughs a little. “I did ok?”

And it’s her turn to laugh. “Ok? I’d say a bit more than that.”

“Good.” And he sounds a little smug. He should be, really. She’s never come with someone before. Not from sex, or really bad manual stimulation, not even from the really God awful oral sex that one guy had tried on her. She had faked it, but _oh_ she had no idea how amazing it could be to have someone else’s fingers bring her to that point.

Maybe she’ll tell him…sometime.

Or maybe she’ll just beg for oral sex. She’s pretty sure those lips are made for it.

But not this time. This time she needs to make _him_ come, she needs to feel him inside her, and so, a little giddy about it all, she reaches down to cup him.

He hisses when she does it, thrusting into her hand almost automatically. He’s solid there, larger than she expects. “This is ok? You want to keep going?”

“God yes,” he mutters. “If we stop now, I’m pretty sure I’m going to die.”

“No one ever died from blue balls.”

“Are you sure?”

She snaps the waistband of his underwear against his skin and he lets out a hiss. “Want me to go Google it?” She acts like she’s going to get up, and he wraps an arm around her and pulls her back down.

“Not on your life, lady.” She laughs again, still feeling carefree and warm from her orgasm. And then he reaches down and shucks the underwear himself. They go the way of her shirt and pajama bottoms. They can find them later.

And then he’s gloriously naked. She presses herself against him, feeling the strength of his thighs, the muscles of his abdomen and pecs. She loves his strong arms and feeling _small_ next to him, even though she’s always been taller than average height. There’s something to be said for being made to feel like she weighs nothing. He’s able to pick her up and turn her effortlessly. And then he’s there between her legs. Half kneeling, half leaning forward. She reaches down to touch him and for a moment she feels panicked.

“I’m not sure the condom I stole from Poe is going to fit.” He’s large, definitely larger than average.

“Is that so?” he says and he sounds so fucking _smug_.

“Oh my God, don’t get an ego.”

“So I guess that means I’m…”

“ _Yes_ ,” she hisses at him. “Can we not go there please? I don’t want to think about that right now.” He leans down and kisses her and she’ll take that for his agreement. The last thing she wants to think about _now_ , when she’s so close to having him inside her, is any part of Poe’s anatomy. “But that means we don’t have a condom.”

“No,” he confirms.

“Fuck,” she says.

“Are you..” he starts to say, stammering over the words. “You know…”

“On the pill?”

“Something like that.”

“I have an implant,” she admits. God, are they really going to? She’s never done it without protection, implant or not. She doesn’t trust that easily. “It’s…it’s been a long time. I’ve been tested.”

“I’ve never…”

“I know.”

They fall silent then and she takes a few deep breaths. She doesn’t know why this is so huge. It’s a lot of trust, allowing him inside her without a condom to separate them. “Ok,” she finally says.

“You’re sure? You don’t sound sure.”

“I’ve never done this before. I mean, without a condom.”

He doesn’t say anything. What can he say after all? He’s not done anything, condom or not. She shifts, spread her legs a little further, reaching out to grab his hips. “I want to,” she says quietly. And there’s conviction there. She’s certain, absolutely so.

She trusts him.

She can see him nod above her and then he reaches down and grasps himself. She watches as he strokes himself a couple times, and then tries to line up with her entrance. He pushes forward and misses at first.

He lets out a nervous laugh.

She leans up to kiss him.

“Let me,” she whispers against his lips, reaching down to take him in hand and guide him to the right spot. And then he’s pressing forward, inch by slow inch.

It’s a stretch. Nothing like she’s felt before. She knew he was big, but as he presses inside her, curse words intermingled with incoherent groans, she’s never felt so filled up before. “Fuck,” he whispers when he’s seated inside her. “This is…damn. I… _fuck_.”

“Something like that,” she says and hopes the smile in her voice reaches him. She pushes at his hips, getting him to rock back a little, pull out, and then wraps her legs around him as he starts to move in her.

And it’s glorious.

Absolutely glorious.

She can feel an orgasm building again, his cock hitting all the right spots inside her. She knows it won’t quite get there, almost, so _close_ but not there. But still it’s a wonderful feeling and when he wraps his arms tight around her, his head pressed into her neck as he thrusts.

“I can’t…”

His moves faster then and she wraps herself tightly around him, thrusting up to meet him, holding on as his thrusts grow erratic. And then he’s spilling himself in her, his hands holding onto her hips with an almost brutal grip.

He collapses half on top of her when he’s done, arms just barely keeping himself from crushing her. “Fuck,” he manages to get out after a moment, leaning down to kiss her again. “That was…that was amazing… _Rey_ …”

“I know,” she whispers as he kisses her again. “I feel it too.”

She hates the loss of contact when he pulls out, but then he flops over onto his back and pulls her with him. She likes this, the warmth of his body against hers, as their breaths settle, the sweat cooling on their skin. She reaches down and pulls the sheet over them both.

She can feel her eyes drifting shut as he brushes his fingers through her hair. Just as she’s almost asleep, she hears him murmur her name.

“Yeah?” she just barely manages to get out.

“Merry Christmas.”

She smiles against his shoulder. “You too.” And then she falls asleep, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. And Rey realizes that it just feels _right_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go and then an Epilogue! We're almost there folks!


	13. The Confession, Part 2

When Rey goes downstairs for breakfast Christmas morning, she’s better rested than she has been in a long time. She had woken up sometime close to dawn, seeing the first rays of the sun reaching through the curtains of Ben’s bedroom. She had watched him for a moment, the rise and fall of his chest, his strong nose, and long hair in disarray. He was beautiful there in the half-light of the morning, and she knows with more certainty than ever, that she would like to see if they could take this further.

The sex was amazing. Certainly the best of her life, which hadn’t been what she’d expected at all. But there was more there, a connection she hasn’t felt with anyone. She wants to explore it, _needs_ to explore it, get to know him better.

And she thinks he feels the same.

She _thinks_. But she doesn’t know.

Ben is not there when she gets downstairs. But Shara is and when she sees Rey, she gives her a smile that almost seems brittle. “Coffee?” she asks and Rey is slightly taken aback. She expected… _more_ …somehow. But she seems rather oddly quiet this morning.

Maybe that’s usual. How would Rey know?

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“Hmmm…” is all she says as she pours the cup and pushes it across the table to Rey, leaving her to go in search of her own milk and sugar.

Poe comes down next and pauses at the doorway, giving Rey a bit of a smile, before remembering himself and walking over to wrap an arm around her and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Sleep well, dear?”

Rey can feel her cheeks heat. “Yes.” She stammers over the word. She did sleep well. _Very_ well. _Too_ well, really. She’d come close to sleeping far too late in Ben’s arms.

Poe’s demeanor seems to echo his mother’s and Rey just feels like something is off-kilter somehow. She expects more warmth, more happiness. It’s _Christmas_ and this family has been nothing but loving and welcoming since the moment she met them.

Finn arrives with fanfare. “Merry Christmas!” he announces happily, hugging first Poe and then her.

And then finally Ben wanders in, still bleary-eyed, and Rey has to keep tight control over herself not to rush over to him and kiss him like she did last night. Instead, she just looks at him and offers up a quick “Good morning.” He nods in her direction and that’s it.

There’s so much more that needs to be said.

But not now.

Tomorrow. When they get ready to leave.

“Well,” Shara says and there’s still that strange note to her voice. “Now that we’re all here.” Rey has a bad feeling about this. A _really_ bad one. Her eyes meet Ben’s for a second. He looks away almost as soon as they meet.

And then Shara looks at her. _Really_ looks at her and there is a hardness to her face, eyes narrowed a bit, a pinched look to the corners of her mouth. “I heard you,” she says quietly. _Oh fuck_.

“Heard who?” Poe says.

“Ah yes, therein lies the problem. There were distinct _sex_ noises coming from a room in this house…” She lets the words drop heavily into the room, and everyone is silent.

Rey feels panicked. She knows her face is bright red. She’d tried… _tried_ …to keep quiet. But apparently either she or Ben had let loose enough that Shara heard. _Oh fuck_. Imagining her sitting in her room or outside in the hallway hearing everything made her want to crawl right under the table.

“We didn’t,” Poe says, standing suddenly. He puts a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “We did no such thing. It must have been a dream.”

“Oh do sit down. It wasn’t _you_.” Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Finn breathe a sigh of relief, sitting back further in the chair.

“Of course not.” Then a beat. “What? Wait...who was it?” Poe glances around the room and Rey cringes as his eyes fall on Ben, who is also squirming a bit in his chair, cheeks and tips of his ears red.

“It seems that while you were dreaming of sugar plums and Santa coming…”

“Mom, I’m not five anymore,” Poe interjects with.

“While you were sleeping, your girlfriend seems to have slipped out of her room and into your _cousin’s_.” Her eyes fall on Ben, who is watching with wide eyes and half parted lips. His eyes flit to Rey and then back to his aunt and he looks absolutely _panicked_.

Rey feels it building up inside her too.

“Poe, I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” his mother says, reaching out to put her hand over Poe’s. “But your girlfriend is a cheating _whore_.” The last is said with so much venom that Rey is left breathless for a moment.

“Don’t you dare…” Ben starts to say at the same time Rey jumps to her feet.

“I’m not!” She can’t help the words as they tumble from her mouth.

Everything is silent for a moment.

And then Poe laughs. _Laughs_. “You lost your virginity? About damn time, Solo.” And he tries to high-five him. Ben just stares at him like he’s grown a second head.

This is not going the way she thought it would at all.

“Poe!” his mother says. “Do you not care at all? Beneath our _roof_ , Poe. Our very roof, with you in the other room, your girlfriend is sleeping with your own cousin. I want her out of the house _now._ ” She looks at Ben then. “And I want _him_ gone too. You are no longer welcome here, Ben Solo. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

In her panic, Rey rushes at Poe. “I’m so sorry, Poe.” She means that at least. She didn’t mean for it to come to this. _Fuck, Rey, what were you thinking?_ She could have confessed things, told Ben she’d like to see him after this was all over, fucked him _then_. But no, she had to do it here, _now_ , right under their noses. And it’s too late. Poe’s parents knows everything.

Well, not everything.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Rey,” Poe says, quietly reaching out to take her hands in his. He brings them up to his lips and kisses them before releasing them. “This whole thing was wrong.”

“Poe,” Rey says, a warning in her voice. “Don’t…It’s not worth it.”

“It is,” he finally says. “I’ve been hiding my whole life. Nearly thirty years. Maybe it’s time I stopped hiding. And stopped hurting people.” His eyes meet Rey’s and then Ben’s. The latter still looks somewhat panicked, his face pale, his lips pressed together in a tight line. And then Poe steps away from Rey and reaches out a hand toward Finn.

Finn steps toward him and lets him take his hand in his. Poe gives him a reassuring smile and Rey can feel a sort of half-smile on her own face as she watches them together.

“Mom?” Poe says, turning back toward Shara, who is watching the proceedings with raised eyebrows. “I’m not with Rey. Rey’s…she’s one of my best friends. She came here in good faith, but on a lie that I helped create and one I begged her to keep up. Even though she was obviously into my cousin.” With that he turns toward Ben and gives him a bit of a cocky smile. “Though why she’d prefer him over me, I can’t really figure out.”

“Dameron,” Ben growls, but there’s no real bite to the word.

Rey’s surprised to see him rise from his seat and walk around the table toward her. He stands close, a solid presence at her side. And she realizes she feels better for having him there.

“I’m kidding, Solo. Sort of.” Ben shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Mom, Rey’s single. She’s not a cheating anything. You can’t take this out on her. I put her in a terrible situation and she made the best of it.” He turns to Rey. “I just didn’t quite expect you to make such a move _now_.”

Rey shrugs and smirks. “When else was I going to do it?”

Poe watches her for a moment longer and then smirks. “True. Very true.”

“Poe, what exactly are you trying to say?” his mother says.

Before he can get the words out, his father steps into the room and Rey feels her heart drop into her stomach. She can see the way Poe stiffens. He almost drops Finn’s hand, but then she sees him steel himself and tightens his around Finn’s.

“Dad,” Poe says.

His father reaches out a hand and puts it on his wife’s shoulder. “Shara, he’s gay.”

Poe’s eyes widen.

So do Finn’s.

Rey lets out a gasp and almost chokes on it, her coughing fit dissolving into sudden, uncontrollable laughter. Ben pats her on the back once or twice.

“Wh…” Poe starts to say.

“You think we didn’t know?”

“I didn’t!” Shara protests. She’s still staring at them all like they’re aliens.

“It’s not like I didn’t see you with…what was his name, that soccer coach?” his father asks.

“Mr. Johnson!” at least three people say at the same time.

“Are you kidding me?” Poe asks. “Did anyone _not_ see us?” His mother starts to raise her hand. “Besides you, Mom.”

“Boy, you and Mr. Johnson,” Finn says.

Poe sighs.

“So…you’re not dating Rey,” his mother says, as if she’s feeling out the words. “Then why…” And then her eyes move on to Finn. “Finn.”

Finn offers up a little wave. And she feels sort of bad for him. He still looks nervous, like someone is going to eat him alive or throw him out in the cold with just the clothes on his back.

But Rey is getting a sense that it’s not going to happen. Poe has talked a lot about just how religious his parents are, how they’d never understand, citing homophobia over and over again. But what she’s seeing now leads her to believe he’s been wrong. Or, at least, not completely right.

His father, for all his military bearing, seems completely at ease with it. His mother looks a little shell-shocked, but she’s not screaming so far.

No, instead she’s muttering to herself and Rey hears the words, “It all makes so much more sense now.”

Poe is staring at his father like he’s grown horns on his head or something. “Dad?”

“You think I don’t know my own son?” he says quietly and there’s a moment of deep sadness there that makes Rey feel even worse about the whole charade.

“But…”

“God loves us all, Poe,” his father says. “God _created_ us all. And we are all imperfect beings who are perfect in His eyes.”

Rey feels a little choked up at it. She’s not ever been particularly religious, but there’s something about a higher being that loves you regardless of your foibles that touches her. She glances over at Ben who’s watching her with a small smile on his face. It looks good on him. He doesn’t make a move to comfort her, but he looks concerned and she _likes_ that.

“I…” Poe starts to say and she can see the tears in _his_ eyes. Finn looks like he’s about to faint. “Really? You’re not going to throw us out?”

“What kind of parents would we be if we did such a thing? What kind of _Christians_ would we be?” He shakes his head. “No, son. We’re not throwing you out.”

“You’re gay,” his mother says and Rey is not sure she’s completely come to terms with it. And then she finally looks up at Poe and her eyes seem to come back into focus. “But that means I’ll never have grandchildren.”

And she sounds _so_ distraught over that. But it makes Poe burst out in laughter. “Don’t worry, Mom, maybe someday Finn and I will adopt.”

And that makes _Rey_ laugh, because Finn looks absolutely panicked. “I’m only 25. I’m not ready for kids.”

Poe laughs even harder and claps his boyfriend on the back.

And then his mother actually lets out a small, choked giggle. “You better adopt someday, Poe.”

Poe steps forward and hugs his mother. “You bet, Mom. I’ll promise you that much. Being gay doesn’t mean I don’t want kids. I’ll find a way. Maybe even a surrogate. So, you know, the kid’s still part me.”

He glances at Rey and she chokes. “No way, Poe. Don’t you dare look at me for _that_.”

Ben growls something unintelligible and then all eyes are on him.

And on her.

“And you two?” Shara says.

Rey bites her lip and looks away. What can she say to that? She did, after all, just fuck her nephew in her home. There’s no lie there.

“Yes,” Ben says and she’s surprised when his arm comes around her and pulls her closer to him. “I like her, Aunt Shara.”

“Yes, we all heard” she says and the words are so deadpan that Rey isn’t sure if she should cringe or laugh. “So I set you up with my nephew completely by accident?”

“Something like that,” Rey confirms.

Shara nods. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

“Thank you. You didn’t know.”

“No, I certainly did _not_. It seems my son and I need to have a discussion. Probably _several_.” She glances at Poe.

“Right, Mom. No problem.”

She nods and levels her gaze back on Rey and Ben. “Now, you two.” She waggles a finger at them. “No more shenanigans while you’re under my roof. You have separate rooms. Please make sure you make use of them.”

She sounds so prim and proper that Rey tries not to giggle. She supposes there are still some things that her religion dictates. She’d much rather it be ‘no sex before marriage’ than throwing Poe out because he’s gay.

“Of course, Aunt Shara.”

And then her eyes widen when she glances over at Finn and Poe, the implication right there beneath the surface. “As for _you_ two.”

“Oh boy,” Finn mutters. “Here it goes.”

“We have no more guest rooms, I’m afraid. Finn, you’re going to have to take the couch tonight.”

“Mom…” Poe starts to say.

“No arguments, Poe. I will not have you two sharing a room now that I know the truth of your relationship.”

“It’s fine, Poe,” Finn says. “The couch is way better than sleeping on the street or something.”

“We’d never,” Shara reiterates and then claps her hands together. “Well, now that the entire world has tipped upside down, let’s eat so we can get to opening presents.”

Rey breathes a sigh of relief. _Everything_ is out in the open and it’s going to be ok.

Ben grabs a plate and sits next to her, watching with amusement as she tucks into her food at long last. “You know,” Rey says as she leans a little closer to him. “This might have been a complete mess. But I can’t regret the whole thing.”

Ben catches her meaning right away and bumps her shoulder with his. “Me too.”


	14. Epilogue: Endings and Beginnings

Christmas had been lovely, Rey reflects on as she gets to packing up her few belongings. She has several presents, more than she’s ever gotten on Christmas. A beautiful scarf from Finn. He knows she gets cold all the time. A new purse from Poe. Apparently the ratty thing she carries around and had taped together with duct tape isn’t doing it for him. A lovely cross pendant from Poe’s parents. It’s not her style, really, she’s not even much for jewelry, but she’ll treasure it always.

And then there’s Ben. He admits that he’s terrible at shopping for people in general, but then he produces a gift certificate. For an auto parts store that is close to her. When he reminds her that she’s told him her car needs a lot of repair work, she almost bursts out into tears. It’s the best gift she could ever imagine getting.

Poe’s parents don’t get it and she has to explain to them her major. His mother looks a little taken back, but his father sits down with her and starts to talk cars. It’s all so surprising, she’s not even sure what to think.

She spends most of the day chatting with Ben and she _finally_ gets to go for that hike in the woods that she wanted to do instead of sitting at a coffee shop. Or staying at home. If that walk is punctuated with make-out sessions and maybe a little heavy petting, who has to know? It’s not under Shara’s roof, after all.

That night, she bids Ben goodnight at his room with a few too many kisses. He’s become quite adept at the kissing thing and even better, he _likes_ it. Likes it a _lot_. Now that he’s gotten a taste of it, he can’t seem to get enough. Not that Rey is complaining. She quite likes it too.

She sees him only briefly that morning after Christmas as they all grab breakfast and set to packing. They haven’t discussed anything yet and that worries her. Ben had been close at her side the day before, but they were too busy with exploring the physical side of things to think about what they _are_ or what they want to be.

So Rey is in a slight panic as she gets ready and realizes she hasn’t seen Ben for the last half hour or so. He’s leaving too. And if she doesn’t see him before she leaves…

_Oh God, you haven’t even asked for his phone number, Rey._

She’s sure Poe has it, but she needs to ask herself. She’s done enough through Poe for a lifetime, thank you very much.

“We have everything packed but your stuff,” Poe says as he wanders into the guestroom she’s been staying in.

She sighs, taking one last look around the room. It really was a lovely place to stay. “Right. I think I’m all set to go.”

Poe grabs her suitcase and she tosses her backpack over her shoulder before following him down the stairs and out of the house. They’re almost to the car when she hears her name called out.

And there’s Ben, looking slightly out of sorts, as he comes flying out of the house toward her. “You weren’t leaving, were you?”

Rey glances over at Poe and Finn, who duck into the car and leave her at least a little space. “No. Well, I mean…we were getting ready to.”

“Right.”

“Yeah.”

Ben says nothing for a moment, just runs his hands through his hair. “Look, maybe this is crazy. But I only live something like an hour from where you guys do…”

Rey just stares at him. And then finally blinks. “You…you do? You never mentioned this before.” An hour. That’s it. They could meet halfway through, spend weekends together. _God, Rey, aren’t you going a little overboard? What if he doesn’t even want to…_

“Yeah, I just…I don’t know.” He steps closer to her and wraps his arms around her waist. “My mind’s kind of been occupied elsewhere, you know?”

She can’t help the little giggle that escapes her. “Yeah.”

“So anyway, look, I thought maybe you might want to hitch a ride back with me. Instead of Poe and…” He waves his hand at the car that the man in question is currently occupying.

“Are you serious?”

“I’ll even let you drive part of the way,” he offers up.

With a squeal, she grabs her suitcase out of Poe’s car and races off toward Ben’s. She’ll leave him to make their excuses to Poe and Finn. She places her suitcase gently in small trunk of Ben’s TIE, closing it carefully and then running her hand along the glossy exterior. She’s excited to drive it again, but she’s even more excited to spend time with Ben. Alone. They’ll have hours to talk and get to know each other.

“Ready?” Ben says as they both hop in the car.

“I still get to drive sometime?” Rey asks with a small quirk of her eyebrow.

He’s grinning at her as he starts the car and it hums to life. “I’ll let you take the highway driving.” Before she can even respond, he adds, “God help us all.”

She’s laughing as he backs out, waving to Poe’s parents and Poe and Finn as they head out. She is too. And it’s a lovely way to begin the end of the year and start the new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The end!! Thanks everyone for reading and all of your comments!!


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